Category Archives: just me

it’s that day at last

for a long time i thought i would be elated today. when the witch was finally gone i would celebrate for and with all my people. and yet…

how can you celebrate the release of a baffled old woman from dementia? punishment enough for most sins. if that wasn’t enough, perhaps it was fitting that she was punished by becoming an irrelevance and knowing it.

i hope that what i felt as hatred has now changed. but this post isn’t about her; i will try to keep this space free of all that nonsense a little longer. this is about compassion.

gone are the days when i stood on the picket line. that all feels a long time ago. i haven’t been to a march or demonstration since the invasion of iraq. these days i can try and fight for my clients but i wonder if the bigger picture tends to escape me.

but on a day when the minister for persecuting the disabled introduces changes that makes one woman say ”genuine people with genuine disabilities are terrified’ (and i assume she wasn’t sitting in that wheelchair just to amuse herself) if there is one thing that can save us it’s compassion. active and powerful, a real feeling for and with the needs and lives of those around us – the opposite of everything the cult of the now late thatcher glorified. a simple human feeling that joins us all. if anything can dance – maybe not on her grave, but at least on her legacy of despair – it’s compassion.

i hope i can find in myself some of that compassion for her and the human suffering of her demise. i hope that love and care for my fellow humans will keep driving me forward now that my hatred has fizzled out. and i hope that if enough of us realise that compassion is power not weakness we can fight for fairness and make changes that will erase her legacy as completely as if she had never existed.

great thing, hope.


i’m being followed

it’s true it’s official and it’s hellish exciting (for me at least).

this sad and lame excuse for a blog (sneezes from the dust that has accumulated since last he posted) is being followed.

so exciting for me that i want to put a link to the following blog – but i’ll ask them first and then if they are good with it, i will add them to the bogroll.

how honoured they must feel!

how ‘about to get scores of extra readers’ they must be!

how do they live with the thrill?

we shall see.

hopes and dreams: may you never make your bed out in the cold

i wish you all well – i wish us all well.

as the wheel turns, the winter king is slain and the summer king is born, whatever you call him, proserpina has had her pomegranate and you start to hope more. this year i feel i have no real hopes … oh the usual, i hope the world deals kindly with those i love most, gives rich experiences to my boys and returns softness for the softness of the clp*.

the hope is for others. and before there are cynical rumblings from the boathouse, it’s not just blether. i don’t think i can be happy in a society where there is unfairness. apart from anything else, it just bloody annoys me. there is no point in having things in such a state that some people get screwed; it’s not even as if it makes anyone’s lives better, it just makes others’ lives worse.

this year, among the many pointless cuts, have been big cuts to legal aid. the law centre where i volunteered is likely to close; the people who work there will lose their jobs. lawyers, eh! tough… many comments i have seen about the cuts to the legal aid budget are based on the notion that lawyers are all the same. the city boys (and even occasionally, whisper it low, a girl!) on their large salaries doing whatever it is they do for big businesses who do errr … whatever they do too. and the law centre solicitors, who after maybe 20 years in practice probably earn less in a year than a city partner earns in a month. their law is getting repairs done for someone living with hiv in a flat with a sieve for a roof and ‘damp’ just doesn’t cover it; stopping an attempt to recoup £40,000 of housing benefit from an unemployed single parent because they say she is married to the landlord – without actual evidence; fighting for a domestic servant who was made to sleep on a floor, was beaten and so maltreated she drank bleach (like a bloody priestley play innit?). the clients aren’t all likeable, they aren’t all right – but they all deserve a shout.

and the law centre solicitors keep people in their homes and fight for people everyone else disregards. when the law centres go – and they will go, despite the will of people to work in them for less money than they could get elsewhere – people, families, will become homeless. and we could have stopped it.

and we didn’t.

and i sit here happy with my lot. the world has looked after me again. there have been potatoes, beans and raspberries… god there were raspberries! and the garlic will soon pop its head through the snow. the world turns and my boys grow towards the sun. i give thanks to the world for another year where someone has looked after us.

i’ve saved some hopes for you: if you’re faced by a senseless system that doesn’t appear to understand your true value, well, i just hope you get pupillage. i hope you find where you need to be and the quiet that goes with it. i hope you find a place … for us … for you.

i hope you remember that this time we didn’t (couldn’t?) help these people. and if that worries you, resolve that when you next have the choice, you choose to do that small thing that brings whatever you believe in just a step closer. if not, may you never make your bed out in the cold – you may be short of room. and may i not be there first – but if i am, i’ll let you share my blanket and offer you a shrivelled raspberry.

i raise a glass to your dreams for 2011.

* ‘chosen life partner’: for those of you who weren’t reading about 4 years ago

notes from national failure week

dear dave,

you can take that f***ing stupid flag down now, you old tosser.

love simply.

dear simps,

defeat not our fault; rather a necessary evil forced upon us by the general mismanagement of everything by the previous government. however because of our fair and necessary action in losing 4-1 to germany, team now on track to win the world cup this year.

and anyway, it is our all-conquering national cricket team in whose honour i am, and always was, flying the flag. go captain peterthing!

big d

ps portobello star at 8?

hey dave

as ever i am indebted to you for your clear logic; i had thought for a misguided moment it was a national disaster caused by your greed.


ps: tell that daft ***** sam to look where she is going – she nearly mowed down the wife and kids yesterday in that vast environment-destroying chelsea tractor that appears still to be your car of choice. thought you had gone faux green? or did you lose it when they said you couldn’t have the windmill and decide to punish the planet?

pps: star at 8 fine as ever.

ppps: any idea on the price on aus winning last two one dayers?


simps, you jolly japester. what do they expect me to do? go round london by bike?? what sort of twat does that???

8 it is then. (bring your wallet, i’m saving for a pension)



yo d!

household income 20k – gideon stole the child tax credit and the borough have chipped in by taking away free swimming for my kids. bolly’s on you or it’s two pints of tap water.


ps if you have a spare pot, i’m dying for a piss

and this is what i want to do for a living????

it was effectively confirmed today that women who drink are just asking to get raped. it emerged that an award to a raped women was reduced by 25% because the woman had been drinking. and it was one of 14 such cases last year. i have no words, but i heard a female voice on the news (may have been the woman herself) say:

drinking isn’t a crime. rape is a crime.

bridget prentice the appropriate minister says ‘a victim of rape is not in any way at all culpable due to alcohol consumption’. it would be nice if this reflected real life. apparently the person who made the decision to reduce the award ‘received advice’. and a slap.

fortunately, the tories (you remember them, they were something in the eighties…) have sorted the problem with the legal system. they reckon it’s them bloody liberal pinko commie faggot subversive judges (you know the ones) who are randomly giving people bail. and then they all go and murder people. well, bail must stop. lock em all up now. before they murder again. or at all. end crime at a stroke – lock us all up.

good job somebody has a grown-up approach to criminal justice. i blame the bloody human rights act / europeans / immigrunts etc. [please delete as appropriate]

and in the spirit of juxtaposition, i wanted to share the best search i have ever had and one which made me feel complimented by it having found me, because it must say something good about the blog:

sing her name is love is sweat

damn, i wish i’d written that! thanks, mystery searcher and i so hope you find what you are after.

or what you need.

a perfect eight – wot no cheap sexual xxx innuendo?

which is a random way of saying i got tagged with a meme (which you will know, if you read the awesome dr socks at reclusive leftist, i don’t yet have a definition for, but i imagine someone is e’en now writing one for me). too many whiches (as the mayor of salem was heard to mutter) and not enough woo (as i would add). i hope you are all following this – though of course my readership is sufficiently small in number and broad of imagination to allow for endless in-jokes. and in the spirit of collaboration i would love fidel and daisy to complete the task with me: we have been tagged twice, both by the fragrant dr socks above and sarah of ethically speaking. let’s give more than we are asked to and do it three times. and given our propensity for randomness without encouragement, i am almost afraid of what may soon be written here.

random facts about me…

1 i like not using capitals when i type – despite being a grammar and spelling nazi; i believe they (grammar and spelling) are what give us control over language and allow us to communicate more forcefully; and without command of our language, there goes a large part of our ability to have any power over elements of our daily lives.

2 i do not physically possess a soapbox, though i may one day consider making or acquiring one.

3 i bat left-handed and bowl (when asked – which is rarely) right arm; this is not particularly unusual.

4 one night i slept on the sand (actually this bit was rather stony) in the open in the sahara. that same night, i unloaded and changed the tyre on a beaten-up old nissan pickup. as i did this the elderly female relative of the guys giving us a lift got out her mat and prayed towards mecca.

5 i think visions of johanna is the most sublime piece of music i have heard- or the slow movement from beethoven’s 5th piano concerto, or rainy night in soho, or the bit of mozart played at both my parents’ funerals, or… no i just don’t know

6 i have no real idea where my life is headed – i don’t even understand the concept of a life heading anywhere.

7 part of me yearns every day for the north east of england … or is it the past?

8 i believe “god” is, in fact, people.

if fidel and daisy would like to add their facts, it would be delightful. if they choose randomly to do nothing or to do something entirely different then that would be almost expected. the ball is in the air – catch it if you wish…

bloody homework

well apparently i have to make some list of stuff about things – why do i participate in such blog-related chain-letter stuff which means i have to write about me… ahahhhh! i have just realised it is an illuminating and artistic exercise that will be of interest to my vast readership. how can i deny my public?.

A – Available or Single? no idea; ask my CLP and see what response you get.

B – Best Friend? CLP as above.

C – Cake or Pie? pie eternally, pastry being the food of the gods. (preferably with potato and onions therein)

D – Drink of Choice? tea – virtually any style any way any where, but preferably no teabag and no sugar

E – Essential Item? probably my cricket bat (or should that be my box?)

F – Favorite Color? you know… i’ve never really been able to decide. it’s all so visual and (as one may deduce from an entirely word-based blog) i’m not. let’s say whatever colour you, my readers, prefer. it’s so interactive round here.

G – Gummi Bears or Worms? worms – liked them as a kid and we never had gummi bears (filthy german invention); anyway, they are so good for the soil and leave the door open to the possibility of a really weak mediaeval christianity-related pun. (diet of worms – for the one person on the planet who is yet to groan at it)

H – Hometown? North Shields – always in my heart (no really – sad but true)

I – Indulgence? good wine; doesn’t have to be expensive, but made with care and dedication and drunk with friends – but not champagne, that’s just muck with bubbles in it.

J – January or February? January – you get more for your money and there’s less of the year gone so less guilt at having done nothing with it.

K – Kids? horribly, stupidly in love with mine

L – Life is incomplete without… art – specifically theatre; not the rsc stuff, particularly, but small productions with good actors up close where you can see their eyes, working inventively and honestly. it lights up life and has been lighting up mine ever since i first went.

M – Marriage Date? nobody’s told me about it…

N – Number of Siblings? classic spoiled only child

O – Oranges or Apples? apples – off my tree on the balcony in my urban oasis

P – Phobias/Fears? – i’m not sure i fear anything. when my dad died i decided if i could handle that i could handle it all – i’m not so certain that’s true, but i don’t have anything to fear as such. we deal with anything – that’s what my mum managed to do and she had so much more to deal with than me, so i should be able to have a go at that too. there are a lot of things i would hate to happen, but oddly i don’t feel like i fear them – what difference would it make?

Q – Favourite Quote. none or too many and as this is my choice, i shall opt for too many:

‘ain’t it just like the night to play tricks when you’re trying to be so quiet…’ – and the whole bloody lyric, damn you, bob

‘the moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on: nor all your piety nor wit

shall lure it back to cancel half a line nor all your tears wash out one word’

prospero’s speech beginning ‘ we are such stuff as dreams are made on …’

‘let’s go’ ‘ we can’t’ ‘why not?’ ‘we’re waiting for godot’ ‘ah yes…’

ode to a nightingale – one long quote; it’s so good it’s like dylan

‘and now abideth faith, hope, love; these three – but the greatest of these is love’ (sorry; i’ve bastardised the king james because i want sugar on my jam on my chocolate)

R – Reasons to smile. CLP, the boys being good, the boys being bad, coming back and seeing the boys after a week, a day, 10 seconds…, friends, that first pint on a summer evening, taking a good catch, taking any catch, people who enjoy writing and reading at my blog, someone being kind for no apparent reason, reading over a piece i’ve written or edited and thinking it’s as good as i can make it, walking round the boundary at a certain time as the afternoon just starts to become evening with a pint in hand, seeing my chillis grow, having been up against it on a tricky pitch and finally hitting a ball for four after overs of grafting, anyone getting my sense of humour, the cork coming out clean from a bottle of 40 year-old port, dylan, moments when for no particular reason you feel the shaft of sunlight hit your soul, a successful run chase, just breathing sometimes, life, death, anything, nothing, everything

S – Season? summer – the first half of the cricket season when you remember that you can still score runs after all and stiff limbs manage to move quicker than you dared hope

T – Tag Three. do i even know three who haven’t been tagged? i’d love to tag daisy and fidel, but you’d have to do it here, so i’ll try teacup newt, manxome and aradhana. i don’t even know how you tag someone – great playing a game without quite knowing the rules…

U – Unknown Fact About Me. i have appeared naked on stage and screen

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? i am frequently nasty to pigeons and imprison small dogs to power my home using treadmills; would probably make cutting remarks about cats but i fear their powerful lobby of supporters.

W – Worst Habit? laziness, lack of concentration (probably laziness) – or agreeing with people putting almost directly opposed viewpoints

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? who cares, but i really hate the conservative party and wish the blight on the planet of right wing politics and hatred would just fuck right off and leave anyone who cares remotely about people not money to try and run this place a little less horribly.

Y – Your Favorite Foods? potatoes, onions and anything that contains them… also everything else in quantity please with just a little more of that thank you very much – oh i couldn’t … well if you insist, just to be polite (oh yes alphabites and potato waffles – that’s for me online mum and her boring friend sarah and her annoying kids who are so not as grown up as me, whatever she says)

Z – Zodiac? scorpio – couldn’t you guess???