ah! the old aspirin gag… (yawn)

some chap called foster friess, a backer of one of the republican presidential hopefuls (i forget which; they are after all, all totally the same) has rolled out the old chestnut about aspirin being a good contraceptive …  (get ready to spit your tea down your nose onto the keyboard in uncontrollable mirth) … when held between the woman’s knees.

 

okay. everyone back and concentrating? keyboards wiped down? ribs bound up with stout tape?

now my grandma would have had no time for such nonsense. living in ‘the north’ long, long ago when times were tough and they had to eat cardboard (probably), they couldn’t afford aspirin. she told me they developed an alternative method of contraception, which was to take a couple of half-bricks and bring them together smartly on the amorous gentleman’s nuts. she said it worked rather well. the sportier girls could even lob them from a distance, simultaneously getting some exercise and developing their aim. it was a hard world my grandma inhabited.

this may also have explained the rise in birth rate during the war. you couldn’t get the half-bricks.

 

with the benefit of time, i, of course, identified the flaw in this method. it has the age-old problem of laying sole responsibility for contraception at the woman’s door. or wall.

 

note 1: after the first paragraph, the rest of the post contains very few facts.

note 2: you’ll find a post noting this ‘joke’ and a number of other really really nasty things going on in the states at reclusive leftist. as usual violet socks hits the nail firmly in the knackers. she’d be a dab hand with a half brick too, i reckon.

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8 responses to “ah! the old aspirin gag… (yawn)

  1. As a family lawyer, I can’t see anything wrong with the aspirin method…

  2. not as exciting as the ‘half-brick method’, though…

  3. My only contribution to the debate is to wonder how the likes of Rick Santorum (crazy name, very crazy guy) ever got spawned in the first place if his parents had the same attitudes to sex he has. Oh and why a country of so many people can’t produce someone even vaguely sane and intelligent to run for president on the right. Say what you like about Scameron, he’s not actually barking mad. Though the same can’t necessarily be said of his predecessors of course.

  4. poll; i’m sending a doctor round right now (unless they have already completed the destruction of the nhs). how can you say such things about dave? does he need to be barking mad when, as well as simultaneously devouring the nhs and the last shreds of the ordinary person’s access to ‘justice (ahem!) he is also forcing the unemployed to clean the rich’s homes and offices or service the multinationals and making loads of people like you who contribute nothing he understands to society redundant (you’ll be in tesco next week). he is now set to put well-known trustworthy non law-breaker murderoch in charge of education.

    tho he does have a pleasantly punchable moon face, it’s true.

    but yeah, santorum does sound kinda nuts.

  5. i’m just glad i’m a pinko lefty, yet liberal, elitist, southern democrat and can laugh my mixed race, non-christian ass off at these idiots, sugar! but then again, sometimes i think there aren’t enough of us who really believe in the constitution and really know what it says…and that really scares me! xoxoxo

  6. I didn’t say Dave was ethical SW. Just that he is not actually the legal definition of insane (which is good, because maybe we can get him tried at the Hague one day). Whereas Santorum would clearly be away with the fairies were he not such a massive homophobe.

    My plan for if/when I am made redundant (which I should now have the final word on by October, though they keep shifting the dates) was to rent my house out and go and join the peace camp at Westminster, thereby avoiding the attentions of Ms Emma Harrison, but they scuppered that by removing it. So now I need a plan B. Maybe I should just fly to the states and shoot all the republican candidates for the good of humanity.

    Cheeringly though, Harrison looks done for, the Mail have decided they don’t like her. You’ve had it when that happens.

  7. maybe you and emma and rebekarrrgh could go around the country on a police-horse. it’d make a great doc and emma might need somewhere to stay. wonder if there are any tents going cheap…

    re the mail – don’t you love it when they turn on their own? like watching alien slug creatures eat their own babies. probably.

    at least the telly is always an option – tonight it’s fat people, gypsies or illegal immigrants having such a great time in dave’s britain that they are begging to be allowed to return to the poverty whence they came. shame you can’t go to bedlam any more, now that was a good wholesome show for the family.

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