a post about sex (wahey)

no, i lied – it’s about g20.

now i like an acronym as much as the next person.

assuming the next person spent three years at university buggering about, getting up late and reading the occasional book, as opposed to doing a real degree like law where you were supposed to end up knowing stuff. or – gawd help us all – just got a bloody job when they left school. (shudder – more than 20 years and i’m still valiantly managing not to achieve what some real people did aged 16).

‘flotus’ doesn’t mean something that got chucked off a boat or even a fart in the bath (unlike edward woodward). it would appear to mean ‘first lady of the united states.’ michelle o (not the big o), the lady who asserted her importance in a truly feminist way by telling barry (he and i tell jokes about how stuffy big dave is) to get the hell out of her closet. (no snidey jokes please; snickering about homosexuality hasn’t been mistaken for funny since 1979). (actually i’m not sure i have been mistaken for funny since about 1979 either but hey…)

now both the things i know about flotus have been culled from reclusive leftist (one of the best blogs in this life and the afterlife – but how can you not know?) so i must simultaneously acknowledge the great and truly learned dr socks as my educator and spare her any responsibility for the views that follow.

it’s never good when the heads of the g20 nations descend, the good the bad and silvio berlusconi. but what makes it almost the equivalent of hearing that the place where you live has been chosen to host a garden festival (consett and ebbw vale were the first two in britain – you with me now?) is that with these overdressed monkeys come the wags. partners you imagine have something better to do with their lives than get stuck in london’s traffic have to hug each other, pose for photos and errr well that’s about it really cos they are 95% women (apparently herr merkel found something to do and we do hope it wasn’t downloading tedious ‘adult’ (oh please) features on expenses). so what did they do? they shopped and went to the opera.

well fuck that.

how much more proof is needed that the world continues to view women as some kind of designer accompaniment to us, the men what make everything happen (hmmm credit crunch? nice work, us!)? of course herr merkel is a quantum chemist and looks dreadful in floaty floral prints, so had to miss this beeno. angela also feared he would be embarassingly ignorant on the subject of eyeshadow and urged him to stay at home lest she be shown up. it could have been his unconvincingly-dyed hair and there at least, i agree, ange has a point.

however, michelle o (short for ‘oh for fucksake’) did not fritter away her time here in the uk. she chose to visit a school and talk to some female pupils. feminists may briefly take their heads from their hands – she urged the benefits of education and the role of women as leaders of a society (in a metaphorical sense, you assume). but she said lots of good stuff about being all they could be. she went on to say (re-insert heads in hands and assume brace position) she had met some truly inspirational women while in britain: there was the queen, sarah brown and … maggie darling, all of whom were doing great work. now you may be scratching your heads (makes a change from banging them against the brick wall). i was.

even i remember who the queen is. i can spot sarah brown as gordon’s other half, but it took me a moment to make the logical leap that maggie darling is alistair darling’s wife. now, she is a journalist and has the misfortune to be labelled as feisty (ohmigod, scary – woman with a job) – and mrs o may or may not know she seems generally to be referred to as maggie vaughan (i’m not going to lambast her for that – i didn’t know either). none of that is particularly important.

what does strike me as significant is that the only people michelle was allowed to meet were other women (though probably not merkel as she’s busy talking serious stuff with the boys). and the role models she chose for the young women she urged to build our future were: one who matters by dint of being someone’s daughter and two who are someone’s wife. i’m sorry if she really is some kind of burning feminist beacon but ffs, why didn’t she just add some pole dancers and glamour models while she was at it? still, i imagine her dress looked nice.

i was reassured to hear one of the girls wasn’t too sure what the queen did (join the club) knew sarah brown but was totally in the dark about maggie darling. should go far.

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20 responses to “a post about sex (wahey)

  1. I watched newsclips of this aand thought ” my, this is fun – it’s a magic time-machine taking me back to the 1950s'”!!

    Then, reality hit – I felt cheated – not a time machine at all- this is the 21st century, and Mrs O must’ve felt the same surrealism.

    Shown serving tea and dainty cakes with other “ladies” in a proper fashion, and ,speaking of fashion, her clothing being scrutinised for any tiny fault. I’m certain that there may have been a secret “Michelle VPL Watch” group somewhere or other, waiting for the ultimate in female crimes to manifest at some point. Muffin–tops were also nowhere to be seen, except maybe in the little cakes she was serving.

    Like I said, no woman will ever be president now unless she can prove she can pole dance, and bake cookies, maybe even at the same time. I mean, you know us women, we can multi-task up to our pert boobies.

    No time to write more as I am typing against the clock on public library pc as my own pc has died – RIP – new laptop on order. The venom will continue in my head, not on here you will be pleased to know.

    ps – what does the Queen do except use up a lot of money and expecting us to eat cake??

  2. Yay (not, I hear you cry)- I requested more time on here and was generously given another 10 mins – OMG that’s just enough to cover my thinking time, never mind my typing – I will soldier on here though.

    Yes, if you want a real education in the misogyny of Michelle O’s hubby, and how he got to power using aforementioned misogyny tactics against both Repub and Democaratic women, read the Reclusive Leftist – when I finally get my own pc back, and have much more time than the max 2hours at the library, I have a lot of catching up to do on Ms Vi’s blog – Vi if you’re reading , be warned!

    It’s Dude-ocracy as usual in World Politics.

    Man, that’s the fastest I’ve ever typed Ithink – spot any typos? No time to proof-read – not that Iever do anyway!

  3. i hadn’t realised they made her hand out cakes… that’s how important she really is to them!

  4. I may have taken some “artistic” liberty about the cakes scenario, but I mean, you cannot have a proper tea party with cakes can you? I was peering intently hoping also to see a frilly white pinny. I was disappointed.

    But really, tea-pouring, and cake dispensing are must-have skills for the FLOTPOTUSA. (take the acronym challenge – translate that – WAG’s eat your heart out – a FLOTPOTUSA can be a WAG, but only one WAG can be a FLOTPOTUSA).

  5. correction above – “without” cakes – dammit – still typing like a madwoman on this library pc.

  6. thanks, mum. bring any jaffa cakes, then?

  7. Of course. In the stripey bag in the kitchen.

    Stick the kettle on while you’re out there – I need to read about how Merkins were all tearing up about how M O, well…. breathes, really. And what she was wearing, obviously.

    Nah. Forget that. I’m going to read Vi really 😉

  8. Oh the jaffa’s were for him? Sorry…. Mine’s a tea mate, milk and no sugar.

    MO is growing veggies in the White house garden, apparently. I bet my veggies are better, although they’ll have plenty of bullshit to use as manure eh?

  9. Will Michele and Barack be the new Posh and Becks? Will they be call Bara-chele?

    Celeb and Politics all rolled into one – Celeb-itics?? Poli-celebs?

  10. Now we know why the president has to be heterosexual male. Because fmotus (or maybe fgotus) is unpronounceable. Ya could have a lesbian though I suppose. But not condi rice, pleeze.

  11. I should have added allegedly there.

  12. i like her because she sounds like food.

  13. FFFPOTUSA (in ref to the hypothetical and unlikely eventuality of a female, feminist president).

    I think that kind of rolls off the tongue.

  14. My head reads POTUSA as ‘pot user’ 😀

  15. A Pot Usa – but he doesn’t inhale (I suppose he would also deny that oral sex is sex too – Presidents of the US eh? Always naughty boys getting off on “technicalities, I dunno).

    ps – Daisy waves to you all from the library again!)

  16. Man, I used to have a prob closing brackets, now it’s the reverse .

    ((((((((((()))))))))))) (sorry, just practiciing)

  17. Daisy P: What does the Queen do?

    She keeps Prince Churles in his place. Literally. And we thank the goddess for that.

  18. What does the Queen do? No one is really sure – I think she just babysits Prince Phil a lot now, and gets paid hansomely for it while we all eat cake. If I had my own pc and did not have to sit here typing against the clock, I could write a whole diatribe on that one.

    Back on the subject of FLOTPOTUSA Spice, here is something I found, but be warned you will be left wanting after reading – it’s far too tame.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-donahue/would-you-ever-reduce-a-p_b_182624.html

  19. And hoo boy ……brace yourself:

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