another year another 365.25 dollars

the fear-inducing dateline 1 jan 2009 stared out at me from my mobile phone.

what have i done with the last 365 days? why did i not earn a dollar a day? was my hair really that grey when this year started?

i learned things, some of which i was actually conscious of learning, i sat in the hall where twelfth night was born – walked in a place where shakespeare definitely trod and listened to the immortal words of lawyers in that place. i guess you can’t win ’em all. i gained a qualification – which after 20 years away from formal study was almost a shock. i failed to gain a job, which after many years of never growing up and doing what people might regard as a real job was less shocking. i was frustrated by how antiquated the bar truly is and humbled by how kind many of the people in the profession are.

i had another year of laughter and tears (often simultaneously) with two children who might make a man believe in the divine and who would test the patience of a saint. i frequently wished there was a saint whose patience they could try trying. i was reminded at least 365 times how much i owe the clp for all her love and how much richer life is with someone of such unfailing kindness in it. many many times i thought i must call my mother to tell her something glorious or mundane and remembered i couldn’t any more.

i breathed, i ate, i drank, i appealed for stumpings – some of which were given. i lived. and it was bloody good.

i hope you had 365.25 days of wonder of your own. i hope those you love enriched your lives as mine has been enriched. i hope you lived and hoped and laughed and that we will all of us get through another year of this joyful, incomprehensible – and frankly rather daft – mess. i hope, if your year has been one you are glad to see the back of, that next year will see the seeds you have sown bear fruit, that you will feel the wheel turn and raise you up; if you have lost people dear to you, that their love and legacy remains and grows as the emptiness of loss dulls and dwindles; if your year has been full of shit, that next year’s flowers will grow fuller and sweeter. i hope for all of you, the love you put out there will shine back at you so brightly it reminds you of why you bother. and i thank those who have shone some of that love and kindness my way – you are the greater for it.

and if you ended it as i think i have, more confused, amazed, and thoroughly in awe of how fucking wonderful the whole shebang really is, i hope you will find that next year is even … more.

and most of all i just hope.


your wondering chum



7 responses to “another year another 365.25 dollars

  1. Happy 2009 sw.
    Maybe you need to do some cosmic ordering? Just give thanks to the universe for something that you don’t have but would like. And don’t forget to say thanks at the end like.

    Thoughts become things…tally ho.

  2. well i think i would like the potatoes to come up better this year. but otherwise i have what i want. i could always ask for something for you.
    white goods?

    i shall certainly give thanks – keep giving thanks. always feeling very grateful, me!
    actually a cosmic ordering book was my joke present to clp last year. she refrained from throwing it at me. the book i write about improving your life would be:
    do something – enjoy it. (with a ‘get out of bed’ from mam)
    keep sparkling all year. i shall remember to say thanks for people like you.

  3. Hi……*sheepish grin* (you know, kind of like the one in the Great Escape, where Steve McQueen manages to fly majestically over the first bundle of the barbed-wire barricade, trying to escape from the Germans, but then fails on the second attempt, gets all tangled up in the barbed wire, but manages to get up, put his hands up – the international sign language for “don’t shoot” – and smiles wryly (??) or is it a grimace? I like to think of it as a smile, as if to say,” failed again, but I’m still here”! heheheh So there…’s that kind of grin).

    I hope you all have had a lovely year, as above (thanks SW for expressing it, saves me doing it!)

    Yes, in this time, I have been working hard to learn how to remember to close brackets, and have been trying mostly successfully, to get my head straight. Have resurrected, in a probation-like manner, a long-lost relationship with a sibling, and just been feeling a lot better.

    Yes, rape is torture and an abuse of human rights. (referring to the petition mentioned somewhere).

    (sorry, been speed-reading playing catch-up on neglected bloggos so I am not just making random comments.) *closed the bracket*

    Anyhoo, let’s get this party started!


  4. ok, maybe not a party as such, how about a small friendly civilised get-together? Anyone?

  5. daisy – i think they all went home… lovely to have you back tho. pull up a chair and i’ll pop the kettle on. i’m totally under the cosh with my course so will have to save anything longer for later, but it’s a delight to hear from you. keep fingers crossed for my job applications! more in due course.
    like the swallows you return to warm my heart (and blog)

  6. Thank Goodness Mr Wondered….I was beginning to get paranoid, well, more paranoid.

    Yes, I’ve brought some knitting with me this time, and also a synposis/review of the latest book from Richard & Judy’s book club. Lots to discuss and catch up on eh? I hope you have a lot of tea bags. I have been told dairy is ok for me now, so yes milk!

    The yarn I am using for my new knitting project is sort of an electric blue, with some iridescent gold/silver/rainbow threads woven in, and I will be adding some beading and sequins at some point…. and I’ve not got very far, so at this point, you can decide if you would you like a scarf or a jumper?? Or, I can make a sort of hybrid garment combining both options if you like. But I hope you don’t want these in a hurry! May have it by summer, but no biggie, as there has been no summer for a couple of years, handy when trying to juggle wardrobes between seasons.

    My rule….put layers and ask questions later. Even in summer. Speaking of returning swallows.

    Did not know you were on a course, but good luck and good luck with job apps! If you are that busy, you can just listen to me talk to myself about the R&J book club thing, and relax to the sound of the clicking knitting needles!

    I really can go on and on about nothing can I not? Maybe I should start a course in how to do that.

    ps – I don’t really knit, not yet anyway, but it was quite trendy at one point I hear. What will be next for the “new old” trendy excuses for /socialising gathering?? Quilt-making? Jam sessions??, (no, not ageing rockers)……actually, I think people should just join the Women’s Institute and be done with it eh??

    The Daze xx

  7. oh, do knit me a scamper!
    another possibility for your crafty hands is the proggy mat. it must be googleable… i leave it to your boundless creativity.

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