new year, new heaving thrusting naked attempt to get traffic

a very belated happy new year to you all. i know it sounds precious but i love you all and i’m grateful for what you have given me in the past year – violet, aradhana, sarah, witchy (who started me on this nonsense), ehj, paul, softcentre, tartette, talldoc, kingcod, sparkle, stormy, broke – everyone who has bothered to leave a comment here even the ones who don’t exist (i have new spambot chums!).

in blog terms, my thanks go above all others to the two people who have with their illimitable, inimitable, impossible, unstoppable ideology of idiocy written way more of this blog than me (not that hard, i suppose) the inseparable and insuperable infidel and daisy.

respect to you all. i hope the world is kind to you and those you love. you deserve it.

i have no idea whether i will be able to blog much at all; here is a post i started at the end of last year to explain matters (it appears to contain some capitals – can’t imagine what i was thinking):

It is clear I have not been putting in the hours (or more usually minutes) to keep this blog in the state you, my dearest readers, might wish.My comments have been sparse as good ideas in the mouth of the Dave (I do hope you noticed….hmmm?). Posts have flowed from this keyboard like voters rushing to join the conservative party. While it does mean there is generally less crap to wade through, you might have been prompted to worry about me.

No? Oh well. (small stoical sigh…)

But I am OK – be still your beating wotsits. Call off the search teams with their unnecessarily cute, cocaine-addicted dogs (actually, my car got searched the other day. It was a peculiarly British stop and search in every way. I was at King’s Cross station picking up my Aunt off the Durham train. A policeman came up and bid me a good morning. In the most sheepish tone I have heard outside a sheep farm, he informed me that he was going to take some details and search my car under the prevention of terrorism act. I expressed the fervent hope that his searching my car might indeed help prevent terrorism. I asked him what he was gong to put down under ‘hair colour’ – he said ‘grey’. I told him the last time I was stopped it had been ‘fair’ – tho to be realistic it had been rather late at night. He removed his helmet to reveal his gleaming pate and said ‘you have one on me’. The sniffer dog dutifully hopped in my car and had a good sniff at my dirty cricket kit – I apologised for the obvious lack of drugs or explosives.He gave me the pink form detailing the details he had taken and we parted amicably as my rather surprised aunt arrived all silver hair and smiles. (It could only have been more English if we had shared a pot of Earl Grey.)

Ok, we were calling off the search teams. Or even cancelling an international googling campaign to see what the heck I was up to – less effort all round and equally unproductive. Well, in a turnaround as unexpected as Big Dave suddenly being handed an open goal by Gordon, i decided to become a lawyer…
i started a law course in september and from having initially had a lot of work to do, i now seem to have more. i will be thinking of you all and will post as and when i can. no doubt if ever i throm the merest scrap of a train of thoughtlessness daisy and fidel will devour it like me with an overwritten simile. or not. forces of nature and all that.

and in the meantime i hope the tories’ soft parts go a nasty shade of green and drop off.

over a period of months.


36 responses to “new year, new heaving thrusting naked attempt to get traffic

  1. YAY! Hiya SW, glad you’re still breathing and relatively healthy. Happy new year to you too!

  2. just look at that – a coment flooding in already! that’s what you get for using the word naked a lot.
    same back at you, sarah – just look out for those kids…dangerous things.

  3. I have kids that share – currently it’s a cold and snot, bleurgh! It was the earl grey that got my attention, not the naked btw.

    Missed you!

  4. I’ve missed you too.

    Law, eh? Anything I might be able to use? Good luck with it anyway m’boy – it’s about time you turned your hand to something useful 😉

    And don’t bloody blame me for getting you into into this lark. It wasn’t me, I was indoors – right?

    HNY and all that. I hope it brings you what you need/deserve (lots).

  5. A grand feeling, that. Simply still not at all flummoxed by the Kings Cross scrutinizings. Does England have a system of colored flags to let you know when to be concerned about terrorism? We’ve been yellow so long now. Off to get two two piece dark meats at the Kentucky Fried Chicken. I am afraid if I think too hard about what I’d do if I were a terrorist that I’d become one. Certainly if I post enough about it the government will think so. Like if I were a terrorist I’d hit the schools, there many people are gathered, stymied education breeds ignorance, the future is damaged, it would be horrific at gradeschool, middle school, high school, or college, and it would get alot of attention. It is odd that even without terrorists the schools get hit, sort of like nuclear accidents happening without any bombs getting purposely dropped. Dirty bombs. Or Bopal on accident without chemical weapons of mass destruction ever being involved. Terrorists just gotta sit back and let it happen anyway- that’s the kind of perpetrator we’ve got in Simply Wondered.

  6. yay the witch! thanks for the wish – i would rather go for the ‘what i need’ bit rather than the ‘what i deserve’, just to be onthe safe side…

    and infidel – i see your evil plan – you get the secret services to arrest me as a danger to society and take over my massively popular blog. i see right through you.
    must just go and get the door … very early and they seem quite insistent. back in just a moment…

  7. Hi SW and a happy 2008 to you. I’ve recently began studying politics which fit rather well with your law studies. World domination and all of that.

  8. thanks, sparkly one; it’s been nice to re-engage at your place – you got loads of posts going.

    hmmmm, maybe i should try it.

    i guess feminists are never short of stuff to comment on – wish there were less, if you know what i mean.

  9. I’ve just been reading your posts at Geeklawyer and absolutely love them. Much laughing. I am the curlygirlyposter because his spam doesn’t like my famous blog.

  10. thanks ms r – it is widely known that i like nothing more than a compliment (unless it be a compliment related to just how damn amusing i am) so i am purring with satisfaction.

    welcome to the blog – hardly a blog at all really – so tiny it’s a ‘bwig’ (work it out). i’m certain there are trappist monk blogs with more traffic than this – if there are trappist monks any more – maybe i should tag all the trappist monk stuff and see what comes up.
    ahem… sorry- i tend to ramble. ah yes; the good thing about having so little traffic is that everyone gets personal attention; i am delighted you have made the visit.
    i looked at your blog and note that we (and your regulars) move in rather different circles. the blogs i hang around have different pictures…

    how on earth did you end up at geek lawyer? for me it’s easy; i’m studying law and thought i deserved to vent some of my frustration by being rude to legal types.
    anyway… i shall bogroll you, assuming your very famous and busy blog (you have a review fgs…) will not be tarnished by association with my quiet little corner, just as soon as my machine allows me to access my own blog (argh!).
    one last thing: how do you put up with blogger? that bloody comments window!

  11. Hello Simply Wondered,

    You are damn amusing and that is wonderful thing in a man, indeed in anybody and all too rare. I found the perverse Geek though BabyBarista (bit bored with that one and find it at times too disingenous) and I like the way he writes, not to mention his phenomenal ego. I suppose as a writer who has worked her craft for many years, I enjoy reading people who can write and, yes, his commenters although you are by far the most amusing – if not curmudgeonly at times.

    I’m not sure what circles I move in – there are lots of people on today because Timmy Worstall who has a Very Big Economic/Political blog mentioned me and yes Devil’s Kitchen I seem to have become the thinking man’s totty. I suppose the sex bloggers who read me are also rather articulate and don’t mind when I am cruel to them about the nonsense they write.

  12. Yes I hate blogger but can’t be bothered migrating and don’t know how.

    And, I note you have high minded blogs on your blogroll – or at least that is implicit in your comment to me. Note that Ms R’s posts on abortion, rape etc have been mentioned in the press and even the WSJ. But generally I’m not crusading, rather just giving a vitriolic take on things and exercising my brain before I get down to writing books, articles etc.

  13. certainly not pushing the blogs on my bogroll as high-minded (with the connotations of superiority that has for me), i just think the trilogy of sparkle matrix, witchy woo and recklusive leftist are intelligent, interesting and have taught me much – they also have a sense of humour. the fact that all three take a moral line that happens to convince me is by the bye (although it clearly can’t be).
    a lot of what they talk about is feminism and its use as a tool to make everybody’s life better and that is how i see it too – we;re always drawn to those we agree with, i guess.
    having eschewed the ‘high-minded’ tag i now have to admit that if a blog were written with the same ability as those but were generally right wing i doubt i’d read it, admit to it or bogroll it. so you were probably right. i hate feeling like i sit on a cushion of moral superiority. i just have a visceral loathing for the politics and willful thoughtlessness of the right. (how many of those double consonants are wrong? sheesh – and me with a degree in words…).
    actually, it was just the sex bloggers that made me blush a bit – don’t think they are intrinscally ‘lower-minded’ than others – the pictures are just a bit different…surprised they got through the firewall at college! nekkid peeps!!!

    vitriol i can really handle – even tho this blog seems to have become a cosy space where people are somehow nice to each other: ‘there’s a place for us’ really has become it’s theme – largely by accident and more from my posters than me. i am grateful to them for moderating my usual vitriol.

  14. and i’ve lost an infidel comment! bog – where is it, fidel?

  15. i just visited devil’s kitchen – i wish i hadn’t. i had more bloody fun in luxembourg. the very fact i have been there would seem to qualify me for a free pistol-whipping from thsoe who spout their shite on that blog. instructive that the appallingly badly-dyed iain dale rates it…nuff said. go to a professional next time, mate.

  16. i just visited devil’s kitchen – i wish i hadn’t. i had more bloody fun in luxembourg. the very fact i have been there would seem to qualify me for a free pistol-whipping from thsoe who spout their shite on that blog. instructive that the appallingly badly-dyed iain dale rates it…nuff said. go to a professional next time, mate.

  17. so desperate for traffic that i double posted! and as my home machine can’t get into the blog (wrong keys?) i can’t even delete it. still – look on the bright side – it does say what a piece of work the tories are.

  18. Hmm, I have big (fundamental) disagreements with his politics but he directs site traffic rather well and a writer has to get the audience she needs. There are a lot of people spouting stuff out there that is tiresome. And they see it all in black and white.

    On that note, I must blogroll you because you are very amusing and I love both your vitriol and compassion. Artless. But why is someone so compassionate wanting to be in the law?

  19. why law? time on my hands and the thought of getting paid to argue.

  20. On January 27th I said:

    I wish I’d said something inspirational, something that would get me off my ass, something that I never said before- and that is why I try and I try, to come up with a word or a song or a phrase, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

    A post that was added to the never ending “wish I’d said that” string. I had difficulty getting to it this time- I thought perhaps Simply, that you had been purged, but if you go to the most ancient thread and back up from there you can still get there. Not at all like the full featured Reclusive blog, not that I’m complaining at all, just that you can really get around on that one.

  21. yes – but socks is god…
    nice to see you – is daisy around?

  22. I think I saw her over at God’s Blog.

  23. God has a blog? Is she interesting or is it all serpents, angels and Alan Rickman?

  24. alan rickman? ohhhh weird.

  25. i just think the trilogy of sparkle matrix, witchy woo and recklusive leftist are intelligent, interesting and have taught me much – they also have a sense of humour.

    Thanks hin.

  26. You were good enough to pop in to my blog and say things that made my ego feel warm and moist, so I thought I’d aid your ruthless quest for traffic. Don’t be misled by GL and the other blawgers though – I estimate less than 10% of lawyers I’ve ever met have any sense of humour whatsoever. Certainly not that they’d flaunt in public anyway. Anonymous blogging lets them live out all their sweary fantasies, and finally give people a piece of their mind.

  27. sparks – love you too, pet!

    and a big personal ‘place for us’ welcome to you employed one (rub it in ya git!). i hope you come back occasionally, though usually the dust is all that has increased. if i could actually access my traffic stats, i’d be swooningat the sudden 25% increase, so thanks. maybe i need more words like naked and thrusting…

  28. Alan Rickman? Not seen the film Dogma? Alanis Morissette as god with Alan as the voice of god.

  29. Bruce Willis kicks Alan Rickman’s ass.

  30. somebody has to.

    is that blasphemous or would it require the kicking of alanis morisette’s jagged little ass?

  31. Alanis’s ass got kicked so hard she lost an “s” (Morissette)
    ClarkKent runs into a phone booth and starts taking off his clothes. A policeman happens by and tells him to stop stripping it is indecent. Clark says, “but I am Superman, can’t you see my red “S”?
    “I’ll give you a red “S” , says the Cop, “and a black “I” if you don’t stop stripping in this phone booth!”

  32. Well it depends what type of lawyer I suppose really SW. I mean I’ve passed the exams (unbelievable as that may seem) but the thought of being locked up for 10 hours a day with peeps called Jeremy who went to public school wasn’t really moi. Anyway my tip is to get the HLT books for cramming. They’re Da biz and contain everything you need to know in a handily condensed version. (though what you really need to know is how to have gone to a posh school, cos that seems to be how you get jobs). My nephew is a mega bucks earning lawyer now, but that’s because they paid for him to go the posh school (after letting him wear dresses when he was five, I mean it all started out all right). l

  33. (figure it out)

    I love reading you simp. You make me laugh out loud and that’s just for your post heads.

  34. hey that’s cool! ‘simp’ – i love it.
    but neche i haven’t figured out – che from the north east?
    you are however very welcome – saw your comment at the witch’s so i see your route here. with compliments like this i will be writing more posts soon(ish) once i finish these bloody exams and i work out how to get back into my blog again. it could only happen to me.

    polly – it’s lovely to have you over here and i apologise for not welcoming you sooner. i’m going to be a barrister because working for a living attracts me less than getting paid to be mouthy with people. and yet my kids need shoes.

  35. Can’t you see my e-mail address? Shhhh.

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