wow that’s a big penis substitute (and you’ve just fucked our nursery)

the story broke some days ago in the evening standard (or, to be accurate, i spotted it in evening standard lite – come on guys, the original is hardly a news titan; just letters from a bloke who doesn’t want black people to have cars because ‘i was at these traffic lights in south london and there was a coloured man in his car and it looked expensive i mean i don’t even know where they get the money from and they all have loads of kids probably on the social bad as travellers if you ask me i’m not a racist but yadda yadda…………’, three old sudoku puzzles and a recipe involving a fish you’ve never heard of that you won’t have time to cook even if you don’t get stuck on the tube for 2 hours on the way home. ‘roll on the olympics’, sez me.)

ahem….

the story is that the mayor – not the mayor of where you live, or even ken the mayor of london, but the mayor of kensington and chelsea (which can’t be that hard a job, even though it sounds like he has two bits of london to sort – actually, the qualification is to be head of the ruling-in-perpetuity tory group on the council; if you have a funny name like merrick or warwick or two or more surnames it helps – if you don’t believe me, just look up the list of councillors at http://www.rbkc.gov.uk) has bought a new car. it couldn’t be ken the mayor of all of london because he hates cars and goes on the tube like the rest of us. not a perfect human being, but he does at least suffer the public transport network with real people – the patron actually eats in his own restaurant as ’twere).

the car, a bentley, cost £115,000. well it’s a bentley.

well of course.

it’s also a very bad car which puts out ‘5 times the emissions of a prius’. so they wheel out a spokesman (NB the royal borough of kensington and chelsea are not mealy-mouthed bleeding heart liberals; oh no – they pay no dues to political correctness; they have spokesmen and all their committees have chairmen – some of whom, i admit, are women) to make these very relevant points:

we haven’t had a new car for 30 years (and this was really nice and shiny)

we don’t want a scuzzy old prius because it’ll probably be junk in 4-5 years (how i’d love the toyota legal department to get their teeth into that)

we need (really need)(like my 4yr old son really needs a power ranger) a car that reflects the profile and position of the mayor (of kensington and chelsea you remember) – ie a big penis extension for a posh man with rather a small one

all of which means that: we are actually using the council’s money wisely and being good to the environment (no i didn’t get that either).

it does at least have the claim to be the fastest production car with some fantastic topspeed over 100 mph. which isn’t all that useful in the crowded streets of kensington (or chelsea). it will also attract the new higher rate of congestion charge and parking permit charge as levied by the … yes … royal borough of kensington and chelsea to stop people buying silly expensive cars that needlessly pollute the planet. (though see above the bit about really really needing it.)

i am the chair (no chairmen for us you note) of a community nursery in the Royal Borough. we have letters from madonna’s mother-in-law who runs the provision of things like nurseries in the borough saying we are really really good (so it must be true); we cater for a socially diverse mix of children from working parents (many single parents) and target those on low incomes. in the good old days we had all of our funding from the borough – now we get a certain amount every so often which is used to keep fees affordable for those working parents. maybe 15-20k last year. the day i read this heart-warming story, i had a meeting with the new civil servant in charge of whatever business they deem looking after children to be (everything is in a business group for the borough – terribly gradgrindian) who informed us we probably wouldn’t be getting any money any longer. no real reason, we just wouldn’t. she did tell us we would in the future get free tickets every friday night when they close off a circuit of roads around the central library and council building so our poor wee bairns can watch mayor bidswick blitherington-browne chuck a few laps round it at 115mph or whatever the car does. they will also be allowed to tip their caps and shout ‘gawdblessee guv’nor’ as he whooshes by in a smog of greenhouse gases.

okay – i lied about the last bit. still; not particularly helpful, is it?

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126 responses to “wow that’s a big penis substitute (and you’ve just fucked our nursery)

  1. Why wouldn’t everyone on earth just drive a Toyota Corolla? They get at least 37 miles per gallon and they travel 250,000 miles easy. It would be different if you could actually fit a 4’x8′ sheet of plywood into an SUV but in spite of the futile efforts countless people put fort outside the HomeDepot home improvement centers, not one of those gas guzzling hummer wannabees ends up with the wood inside, instead they end up cutting or strapping to the roof, and if your going to strap it to the roof anyways, then get a blanket and strap it to the roof of a Toyota Corolla.

  2. she did tell us we would in the future get free tickets every friday night when they close off a circuit of roads around the central library and council building so our poor wee bairns can watch mayor bidswick blitherington-browne chuck a few laps round it at 115mph or whatever the car does. they will also be allowed to tip their caps and shout ‘gawdblessee guv’nor’ as he whooshes by in a smog of greenhouse gases.

    Genius.

  3. ‘S ok SW, they can fuel the bloody thing on the hot air Mayor Whatsit-Doodah produces.

    Slitheen anyone?

  4. Simply, I think I’m on to something….

    http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/r/r0086100.html

    Check it out man! Is that weird or what?!!

  5. Oooo! Oooo! then check out “leftist”

  6. Wierd, there was nothing there under definition before and now there is- too weird.
    Maybe I spelt it wrong.
    Anyways what good is knowing there’s a meteor shower yesterday, now I have to wait an entire year.

  7. So if I link through Violets page using my post there on that thread about, I forgot, its either the cheetos one or that Chris Clark blogbot one and then search for “Reclusive” once I’m on the YourDictionary- for the definition I just get a couple of commas. This has to mean something. It’s probably the doorway to the “inner circle”, Maybe there is a Word you have to know, or there’s a sequence of links just now…I’ll be back…

  8. blimey fidel – this is big! so big i’m sure we should be meeting in an underground car park with you backlit…
    seek it out!

  9. 6542 west lillyput south Poynton. 9am. the moss grows on the lee of the stone, COUNTERSIGN: MY HEART ACHES WITH A MONOTONOUS LANGOUR

  10. so big i’m sure we should be meeting in an underground car park with you backlit…

    Christ, are you on a roll today or what? You’ve decided to hit the nose candy again, haven’t you?

  11. You know, the great thing about this blog is that it’s not likely the evil-doers will find me here. Obscurity roolz!

  12. and obsequious drools.

  13. Never thought I would say this but I have recently discovered a ‘fondness’ for cars. I can now appreciate the benefits of roomier models. Must be a mid-life crisis! Having said that of course there is no necessity for them to be cash guzzling, exorbitantly expensive models either.

  14. remember vi, we ARE the evil-doers.

    and re ‘You’ve decided to hit the nose candy again, haven’t you?’, sadly the blog is so low rent that the only candy available is a sherbet dab.
    for those of you fortunate enough to have grown up somewhere that wasn’t britain in the 70s, a sherbet dab is a boiled sugar lolly of poor quality with a bag of sherbet into which it could be dipped (which begs the question of why it was called a dab… ) there was also the sherbet fountain which was, if anything, worse – a cardboard container of sherbet with a cylindrical piece of black licorice (or ‘spanish’ as i’m sure sparkle would confirm). the mechanic was much the same and henry james is now revolving angrily at me for a pointlessly long sentence.

  15. mmmm sherbet and licorice, lollys and boiled sugar. You ever have dots on a roll of paper…mmmmm, or how about flying saucers with candy balls inside- the flying saucer was somehing akin to two “body of Christ” hosts contoured into shallow bowls and little teeny tiny balls of sugar trapped inside as the circumferences were sealed….mmmmmm tootsie rolls, smarties, bazooka joe gum…MORT…friggn’ guy wore his collar up all the time…jaw breakers, nestles, hersheys, only later did I learn of Toblerone…mmmmm kisses, baby ruth, HALLOWEEN, mmmmm candy corn, those suckers with the looped string for a handle, dum dums, 100,000 dollar bars, snickers, cherry licorice, strawberry licorice, black licorice, good&plenty, really rings the bell Ding Ding… , reeesesss peanut butter cups, Hail Willy Wonka, Hail the OOMpa LoompAHs, mmmmm…mars bars, almond joys, life savers, rollo, payday, chunky, twix, kit kat, mmmmm…, wax lips, little fake wax bottles filled with sugar water, chocolate coins(gold dablooons), candy necklaces, lik-m-ade, marshmello peanuts, three musketeers, mmmm…sorry, downloading, done in a minute…beer nuts, ah that does it, now where were we?

  16. i thought it was about time we had an infidel list

  17. It’s a dab because you lick it and then Dab it in the sherbert. We called em sherbert dips anyway.

    Did you know that dark chocolate and proper hard licorice are excellent sources of iron and hence can be termed a health food?

  18. I don’t like the term “Colored Man”, could you explicate and then perhaps expiate?

  19. Do they still sell coffee crisp chocolate bars or is that only in Canada. That was my all time favorite which is strange as I now hate coffee flavoured chocolates, of chocolate coated coffee beans. I mean what is that about – a waste of a good coffee bean. Its a bit like partly cooked vegetable soup! Blech! Vegetable soup should not crunch. Our canteen is very variable about its par cooked veg. Also the omlettes come out more like sloppy scrambled egg. How hard is it to cook an omlette for goodness sake?

  20. Borough of Ken and Chelsea have a lovely website. and believe me I have seen some stinkers. £115k over 30 years …hmm …. sounds alright to me – Toyota Prius would be dogfood tins within 10 years.

    Of course the mayor’s position really deserves a car to reflect his/her position … maybe a puppet show wagon since this kind of mayor is on School Fete and Prize-giving detail for their 3 year tenure rather than decision making or anything important.

    Did you know that Skype is down?

  21. “I don’t like the term “Colored Man”, could you explicate and then perhaps expiate?”

    I think SW was imitating the type of person who would say this term, not use it himself. That’s my explinicatatoration of the contextual meaning from my standingunder it. Excuse me while I expectorate.

  22. mmmmmm tootsie rolls, smarties, bazooka joe gum…MORT…friggn’ guy wore his collar up all the time…jaw breakers, nestles, hersheys, only later did I learn of Toblerone…mmmmm kisses, baby ruth, HALLOWEEN, mmmmm candy corn, those suckers with the looped string for a handle, dum dums, 100,000 dollar bars, snickers, cherry licorice, strawberry licorice, black licorice, good&plenty, really rings the bell Ding Ding… , reeesesss peanut butter cups, Hail Willy Wonka, Hail the OOMpa LoompAHs, mmmmm…mars bars, almond joys, life savers, rollo, payday, chunky, twix, kit kat, mmmmm…, wax lips, little fake wax bottles filled with sugar water, chocolate coins(gold dablooons), candy necklaces, lik-m-ade, marshmello peanuts, three musketeers

    All of the above, in particular Snickers, Kit Kat’s (dark choc), Hershey kisses, Hershey with almonds (rubs tummy with an orgasmic yummy yum look on face) – I would like to add – M&M’s with peanuts – and also, Homemade brownies still warm from oven (with pecans of course).

  23. Ding Dong’s, Twinkies, and Mr Goodbar

  24. Once upon a time, there was a pompous git called Mayor Bidswick Blitherington-Browne of the Royal borough of Kensington and Chelsea. He drove a car which was so large that he had a swimming pool in the back, also a treadmill and a disco. This car left a hole just above it in the ozone layer whereever it travelled – no on in the land was allowed such a car except for him.

    He also had in the car, a large cupboard where he kept his high energy snacks (considering how active he was, riding around in that ozone-busting car what with the swimming, working out and running – are you getting the irony?) – in this specially commissioned cupboard (he used the same contracters that the queen herself used now and again) – he kept Snickers, Tootsie rolls (man those things suctioned out his fillings every time), Twinkies and Hershey’s kisses, plus Reese’s peanut butter cups.

    The mayor had had a particularly satisfying and gruelling workout, went to look in his cupboard and was horrified to find one lonely Kit Kat left.

    The cheek of it – obviously one of his many guests he invited on board had raided him – or – he had a theif on his staff – maybe he was eating these in his sleep. But there was only one sollution for the time being

    “Sainsbury’s James, and don’t spare the horses!” said Mayor Bidswick Blitherington-Browne

  25. I like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

  26. OMG Wonka bars, kitkats? Nasty nestle…..

  27. Jamboree bags were brilliant.

  28. hey kingcod: ‘Borough of Ken and Chelsea have a lovely website. and believe me I have seen some stinkers. £115k over 30 years …hmm …. sounds alright to me – Toyota Prius would be dogfood tins within 10 years.’
    or as you go on to point out the bugger does nowt so why can’t he just feckin walk? and he wouldn’t trip over so many criminalised pre-schoolers cos they’d be in our lovely nursery learning appropriate, socially-acceptable behaviour.
    i thought you were just going soft with age, but given your regal handle maybe you are class enemy! or did you just od on the sherbet dabs?

  29. daisy (good to have you back):
    ‘“I don’t like the term “Colored Man”, could you explicate and then perhaps expiate?”

    I think SW was imitating the type of person who would say this term, not use it himself. That’s my explinicatatoration of the contextual meaning from my standingunder it. Excuse me while I expectorate.’

    nail – head – ta.

  30. Mayor BudswickBlitheringtonBusterBrownCawdryNigelBruceBuffingtonWellingsworthAshtonTortFallow, Was seen today in his stretch limousine/jacuzzi/tenniscourt/pantry pulling up beside the limousine/sauna/grill/whirlpool/billiard/crap table/&wc of neighboring mayor TawnswipeHalloranBeefswhitWillingsworthSheepsheadBaxterburpFlillingsfliff(labour party) and asked whether he might borrow a bit of Grey’s Poupon mustard for his sandwhich.

  31. Dear Indfidel

    I had this link in my book marks –

    http://www.masquerademaskarts.com/memes/peculiartitle.php
    But I think that you have outdone even what they could come up with – but please, feel free to use for inspiration – I say feel free, it’s not my damned site – I only google, bookmark, google,bookmark or read blog, bookmark etc etc..

    PS – BBB (Bidwick Blitherington Browne had managed to get Dijon and even French’s mustard at Sainsbury’s, but the Poupon was out of stock.) That ex-Charlie’s angel (god that was a long time ago) was falling down on the job of shelf stocking.

  32. InfidelIsinglassFlufwaddleGlubshireHawkings

    For further inspiration, I think reviewing MontyPythons silly, very silly, and extremely silly party elections would be an excellent source. Still laughing hard at the English!!!

  33. I second that my highly esteemed blog commentator-in-crime.

    Yours Truly

    Her Eminence the Very Viscountess Daisy Puke the Herbaceous of Throcking in the Hole

  34. Almost every day I think how hard it would be to address Radidjan Keradjitch or Slovhadhan Milosivich or Itzaach Rhabeeen or Rhuhallah Ahyatolla Khomeni or Baaneee Sadhir or Maakmud Ahbaas, I mean what if you got their name wrong?

  35. That’s what you think about every day? If you got their name wrong, obviously they would have to change it – that’s the rules. I mean, if they haven’t the courtesy to have a name you can pronounce easily, how rude is that?

    The weather in Throcking is shocking! Dont’ even ask about the hole.

  36. On the A10 south of Chipping,
    To the Hertfordshire Baldock ’twere tripping.
    To avoid Baldock road to Baldock town,
    and since Cottored was on either road we’d go down,
    We took a shortcut on Throcking through Throcking.

  37. Scuse me Cottered.
    then it changed to Cottered road…Shocking!

  38. What’s the hole?

  39. i have played cricket in all of these places – even the ones that don’t exist. also great chishill, chrishall, (which i had thought were in herts but are actually in cambridgeshire and essex respectively) and braughing, where they make nice sausages.
    but not in throcking. of course.

    SHE SAID ‘DON’T ASK ABOUT THE HOLE!’ CAN’T YOU READ?

  40. But my title had Throcking in the hole too and I was only a Duke so I guess I should have asked about the Duke hole.

  41. It’s ok SW – I knew asking Infidel to not ask would mean he would ask.

    It is a little known fact that I have my own personal sausage maker in Throcking and when I have any spare, I have my royal shouter roam the village with a big bell and have him announce loudly “Throcking sausages for sale at Throcking Palace – first come first serve” – these are the finest sausages in the land but don’t tell anyone – I have a fairly lucrative sideline in my spare sausage sales – who knows, it may go national and be on sale (lie the prince of wales and his food line) in Tesco and my ultimate dream would be Sainsbury’s, promoted by Jammie Oliver.

    “On the A10 south of Chipping,
    To the Hertfordshire Baldock ’twere tripping.
    To avoid Baldock road to Baldock town,
    and since Cottored was on either road we’d go down,
    We took a shortcut on Throcking through Throcking”

    Is the Chipping you speak of Chipping Norton or Chipping on the Cottored??

    Infidel your title did not have Throcking in the title – I strongly object! It may however, had a hole though. I am queen of the Throcking Hole and don’t argue – it is not only a Throcking HOle, it is also a Puke hole.

    As I am queen (well, strictly speaking, I should use the term Vicountess) of Throcking in the HOle, I get to go to the queen’s garden party every year, and once a year, I hire the car from the mayor of Ken and Chelsea to drive me there – I can have a swim, a workout, and have my hair done in the car – it’s great being a Vicountess and also being so herbaceous.

  42. Herbaceous? Then why all this about sausages?

  43. Here I am, dead, dispensing wisdom from the Spirit Realm, and you lot are too busy making fun of Mayor Biddington Barrows-Featheringsham of Binwiddle-on-the-Stoke to even think of asking about the Meaning of Life. No wonder you lost the Empire.

  44. yeah? well if spirits are so smart, how come they have to talk through a medium? can’t they find a large?

  45. No that’s not a chemical equation for a fungicide.

  46. No wonder you lost the Empire.

    actually i think i found it down the back of the sofa with 6 cheerios and a bic biro. nothing useful though.

  47. The English Empire, the four corners of the globe, the farthest reaches, from tundra to savannah, from jungle to high seas-Britainia rules the waves~~~~always tea time somewhere, Falklands, India, Burma, HongKong,Tahiti, Malta, NorthPole, SouthPole, Hey! how come the English aren’t in space?

  48. What on earth does “heavens to Betsy!” mean?

  49. “What on earth does “heavens to Betsy!” mean?”

    It is American colloquial for “What the fuck!” My grandfather invented it when he realized the cow, his wife, the daughter, the dog, his Brown Bess muzzle loader and maybe one of the piglets were all named ‘Batsy’…..errrr.. “Betsy”.

    William Claude Dunkenfield moved it toward current speech models when he started saying “Godfrey Daniel”.

    President Bush has continued the trend by saying “mmunnnmgnmnghmmmhgf”. That man’s eloquence is a tribute to the Great American tradition of mixing alcohol and cocaine. Britney Spears is a close second.

    Where is that chippie with whom I used to banter?

  50. Paul, I imagine you were Jodie Foster’s consultant on “The Brave One”

  51. …still what will Betsy do with the Heavens when they get there?

  52. Look at Daisy’s bunny! in “a perfect eight – wot no cheap sexual xxx innuendo?” August 18th.

  53. the most beautiful sound that I ever heard….Ma reee ahhh.

  54. Gertrude? Gertrude?
    Arnie Sacnusum jr. I thought I told you to stay away from my goose.
    No nOOOO!
    BooooOOOOOM!
    Whoa! did you see that Volcano Erupt?
    What was that big rock?
    It looked like a saucer.
    Pardon me sisters, uh, can I borrow this sheep?
    Here’s to the prof. of Geology,
    Master of all Natural History.
    To the West KI,YI,YI,YI!
    To the East KI,YI,YI,YI!
    To the $%^# KI,YI,YI,YI,YI,YI.

  55. Has my monitor changed or is that pipe thingy getting bluer? er? blue er? blueer? More Blue?

  56. ‘Pure spleen’ is an apt category to put this post in, although personally I favour ‘blind rage’, as it implies a possible threat of violence, which the story you have told is likely to induce in me if I dwell on it for too long. Could I just say, very calmly, “AAAAAARRRGGGGHHH”. Thank you, I feel better for that.

  57. first, broke – glad you made it; you are very welcome.
    secondly i should add a health warning to this site for people apt to get upset about trivial things like nursery education for those who can’t afford the vile ‘kids unlimited’ type places (or who wouldn’t want their kids to go there). there is rather a lot of spleen and most vented at tories.
    blind rage is also good. glad to have helped you today.
    calmly
    sw

  58. okay.

    i give up. i miss you. i don’t understand you. but i miss you.

    and paul. and The Great and Mysterious Infidel. i wonder if he invented dark matter, and could explain it to us. but i know that wouldn’t be fair because not even the physicists and cosmologists are allowed the explanation.

    and the chorus of Others. i hope and dream all are well.

    how are you? how was your year?

    i got a couple of maple trees in. i think i’ll collect them.

    i got a cut stone japanese lantern. it’s awesome. i put a little candle in it and meditate until the stars melt.

    and a weeping mulberry. oh. my. the leaves are so beautifully yellow. like the soft pulp just under the wet skin of a freshly cut lemon.

    more. two weeping cherry trees. a few stone paths. and a (very) simple gazebo (really just a placeholder for the permanent one i am planning to build next year, but so nice to sit in behind the insect screens with a beer and watch the gardens explode all summer).

    i cut a few trails into the woods. i made several gardens for “me mum,” made a few places for her climbing flowers to spread out for yards and raise their colors almost six feet from the ground, limbed up eighty trees (probably more), and made enough wood chips from all those limbs and debris to make a huge mulch pile for trails through the gardens and into the woods. cleaned up a barn, bought a lot of necessary tools, painted a garage, cut and stacked three cords of firewood, and built an office with a new computer system.

    i read a few books, mostly philosophy and physics, but i don’t feel much smarter, nor much wiser.

    the fall colors are here. the leaves are falling and falling and falling. this was worth hanging around for another year. i love the smell of the woods now. okay. all the time. but i love the smell and the sound and the color of fall leaves, sometimes knee deep as i follow the golden light of the dim distant sun into the woods.

    the world is “out there.”

    sometimes for a few moments, watching birds in the birdbaths or chirping at the feeders or reeling in the deep blue sky, or enjoying the chipmunk who routinely sits on the wood fence by my swing and stares at me as if i’m the weirdest-most-unlikely thing she’s ever seen, or the deer who nibble at every new thing i plant but dance like ecstatic children across the several acres of mowed lawn at dusk or dawn, i can imagine it will all be okay.

    i saw a fox this year, close to the house. and just a few days ago, biking quietly along an old quiet river, a tired raccoon.

    last year may have been the Peak of oil production, next year my country may be at war with Iran, and in a decade the oceans may be dead from billions of tons of plastic pollution.

    just now, it is all okay.

    i miss you. write something. if you feel like it. i miss the music.

    respectfully, hopefully,

    /ehj2

  59. ehj2
    i’m delighted you’re back! i’m here too (which is rare right now). i owed the world a post anyway and your request has spurred me into action. more will come – and more music!
    in the meantime, i’ll just say it’s lovely to read your words and feel your presence. i love it when friends come home.

  60. Thanks ehj2, I’m smell’n wood chips. Memories are olfactory. It must be north America but I can relate to all of your woodland animal encounters, even the fox, and I live in the Chicago suburbs, would you ever have thought? Just so…I have a weeping cherry that I planted in my front lawn(got it from HomeDepot). I absolutely adore walks in the woods, that’s why this place for us header is so cool, Simply and the child walk’n in the wood, there’s gotta be a big dog somewhere off camera as evidenced by that big bag of doo Simply is slagging about.

  61. Doctor Infidel,

    I thought the “big bag … Simply is slagging about” was full of truffles picked up on his walk. I mean, it’s a “trophy picture” at the top of his blog after all.

    But “yes” on the dog.

    I hope Simply is not “working” to write a post.

    There’s something to be said for a place where everyone already knows how it really is. And sometimes the best you can do is break open a bag of beers, click bottle necks lightly together, and enjoy the soft night and the emergence of stars before whatever happens is going to happen.

    My first experience here was of a party. I remember the sound of the laughter of children on the lawn chasing lightning bugs.

    /ehj2

  62. What temperature does the human body have to be at to maximize the joys of hot chocolate, or even just coming in from out of the cold. Ahhh. Sure a fire crackling in the hearth but even so, even without, just a roof over the head out of the weather with some source of warmth after a vigorous snowball fight or tobbogganning, skiing, plowing, shoveling. Winter looms but ahh coming in from out of the cold bekons, God help me I love it.

  63. Recipe for good nap:

    [1] run around in the snow (or cool rain) with a dog and a frisbee until both of you are tired and wet and just a wee bit cold.

    [2] dry off the crazy-happy wet dog and find some dry warm clothes for yourself.

    [3] the equivalent of mcdonald’s egg-mcmuffins for your trusty four-legged pal — a kind of messed-up over-easy omelet of eggs and ham with crunchy dog biscuits will do fine.

    [4] black bean soup with melted cheese stirred in it and hot fresh yeast bread on the side for you.

    [4b-optional] eggnog with a dollop of your favored bourbon; hot devils food cake with melted butter on it for dessert (i end up sharing some of this with my pal, too — okay, so we’re both spoiled).

    [5] comfortable place in front of fire with mash of blankets all around you. hold dog’s head in your lap, scratch dog’s ears, watch the fire, feel your body slip away …

    /ehj2

  64. Hello – have been away – but Good Gawd!! Dave C has said something true and useful!!! Now I am more confused than ever about political cynicism – but f**k me, at least it’s been put up as a main headline, and f**k me, at least someone, very very belatedly, and f**k me, he’s male AND Tory, has acknowledged the over over over-sexualisation and objectification of women and girls. (Be quick, yahoo links tend to be deactivated rather quickly))

    http://uk.news.yahoo.com/pressass/20071112/tuk-cameron-vows-tougher-rape-sentences-6323e80_3.html

    (hi Sw – hangs head in sheepish shame at my neglect but I am still dealing with my demons) x

  65. Going back MANY MOONS ago before the return of E and PT – from ‘fidel:

    “Herbaceous? Then why all this about sausages?”

    In proppa sausages there’s always at least some herbs (pronounced herbs over here and ‘erbs over there) sage, if you’re lucky a bit of parsley – and here was all ya’ll thinkin the green bits in me bangers was mould and bits of old shoes.
    I’m outraged. A bit.

  66. Actually, old ground up bits of old shoe and mould are probably much less harmful and better for you than the crap they reallly do put in those cheap Happy Shopper/Wall’s things that look like pig’s penises with no colour whatsoever in them – I think we have all seen the programmes where they go behind closed secret sausage factory doors where they show them grinding up hooves, testicles, and even hair to give those sausages that tell-tail (get it? tail – sorry) pink aura to get those taste buds salivating and the anticipated deliciousness of them after being fried in oil that’s been re-cycled about 20 times. Yummy!

    Alternatively, in my sausages, the ground up old shoe would provide healthy fibre (translation- fiber) and the mould – well just think of blue cheese and how expensive that is – there, I have just talked myself into a nice marketing angle.

  67. dave saying something true and useful… well of course! mind you it could just be knee-jerk tory ‘lock up anyone who didn’t go to your school they must be guilty of something’.
    still it good to have you back and converted to the tory cause – we’ll have you eating sausages made entirely out of capitalism next (and you thought hooves and arseholes was bad)!

  68. Can you have Dave contact me when he decides what his cause is (besides listening to the sound of his own voice, and preening for Andrew Marr of a Sunday morning) so that I can decide if I will convert to his cause or not? – I would be ever so…..

    Why just this morning, I had a cuppa capitalism for brekkies with my ground up hooves, old jumpers, snouts, ears, and intestines). I pretty much retched and gagged on both. Didn’t actually puke though.

  69. capitalism – the cup that cheers – also chosen cause of posh dave since before he was spawned in some evil home counties torypit.
    why on earth did i need to say evil? i’m getting lazy…

    did i say how fab it is to have you all back?
    if ever i get time at my own computer i will write my post – it doesn’t seem to like me here at college. i can comment but not post. bah! tory plot.

  70. It’s nice to have you back too SW :-))

    I interrupted a more genteel flow by picking at a thread way back up there somewhere and trying to continue with it – if you leave a blog, for whatever reasonss, one must be prepared to face the consequences.

    I will try to keep it toned down but cannot make any promises -Teethy Smiley

  71. no no, ms pukey – please tone it up! we like it like that.

  72. May all of England have the most plentiful harvest and enjoy the comforts of their most humane and civil undertakings. We Americans will always look towards your blessed Island as a shining example of wisdom and leadership, conviction and moxy. Happy Thanksgiving.

  73. Actually, going way, way, way back up there, Infidel asked:

    Hey! how come the English aren’t in space?

    Well *cough* don’t let on, right, *furtive glances left and right* we are.

    SW – I’m watching davey-boy with my witchy eye and if he comes out with many more of those right-on observations I might just have to rethink my allegance. I mean, blimey. After all these years too. Talk about blood of toad in the pot…

    Happy TG to those of you who mark the day. Happy Thursday to the rest of the world.

  74. “Well *cough* don’t let on, right, *furtive glances left and right* we are.”

    But, um, not exactly in the mold of Hudson or Drake. And anyway most of us reading this, all of us reading this can look at a satelite pic of our own rooftop, I happen to be on a blue lined street so you can additionally get street view and look right at my front door.

  75. Ummm….belated Happy TG to everyone – looks around in usual confused state – that was Thurs if I seem to remember all those years ago in the days of yore in my youth-last Thurs in the month and no school for 4 whole days in a row- yay!- …. all the Americans will be going “oh no, more turkey in about a month”.

    ‘Fidel, come on over here (look it up on your special sat nav arial map- oh THAT blue-lined street – I see-I did pass by looking online the other day and thought I saw you waving standing by one of the blue lines) – you will find most people, if not actually IN space, staring vacantly at it – (btw, look me up – my house is the one with all the turrets and flags atop, men poised with bows and arrows, waiting for attack, the one with the moat around it down Surrey way-it has a big courtyard and you’ll see lots of people in big low-cut dresses, and that’s just the men trying not to say “brrrrrrr”!!! You can’t miss it ). I would like to have a party, invite you all, and then I could repeatedly shout “lower the moat bridge matey” every time one of you arrived in your plush and opulent carriages, footmen and driver at your beck and call, all provided by moi (drinking and driving don’t mix dontcha know) – oh dear, Sunday morning imaginings……………….

    Sorry, am just indulging the Yanks in their preconceptions of Britland – smiley.

    Bows majestically to fellow witch Witchy, ‘Fidel, SW, EJ, Violet, and well even Poltergeist – and guess what? Did I forget anyone? sorry if I did. I get to be the first to say Merry Christmas (translation – Happy Christmas) – na na, na na na. Oops nearly forgot – HNY (as if you couldn’t guess, Happy NEw year) – so, that’s a M&H C & a HNY to you all!

  76. As for the comment by Dave C ACTUALLY addressing the appalling rape culture in this country – the cynical side of me is going ” hmmmm, I bet there were loads of spins docs sitting round brainstorming what they could use as vote-getters – what issues have we NOT used to our advantage? ‘I know I know”‘Tory Boy spews out after hours of racking brains and coming up with nothing – ‘we’ll just have no choice but to put this danged issue on the table – maybe we’ll get a few of those pesky feminists and anti-porn people on-side – has to be done I guess’) Cynicism or what – next we’ll be having all the Blair babes taking all their home poles down, abruptly ending all the lessons they’ve booked, and the refusal to attend the strip clubs with hubby of a Sat nite, backtracking on the “poledancing as empowerment” issue – gawd – what next?

  77. …………..still, on a more serious note, it’s nice that SOMEONE has thrown the anti-rape culture people some sort of scrap of hope.

    For your entertainment (I may have posted this somewhere on here before – a bit dated but funny):

  78. no – big dave does not give a shit about rape or anti-female bias. he is the leader of a party that individiually and collectively makes great efferts that women continue to be shat on. if we belive this crap we will believe anything. for all its awfulness, the blair govt did at least introduce occasional liberalising reforms – the minimum wage affects more women than men (oh that old being shat on thing again!).
    european human rights laws give women (inter alia) basic rights that are not available under uk law. the daily mail would like us to think it’s all straight bananas, but it is (however ineptly they do it) built on a principle of equality of all people in a way that uk law could never be (if only because it’s centuries older). dave wishes to repeal the human rights act and leave the EU. conveniently this will remove certain forms of legal recourse from people less well-protected by uk law (guess who they include? all the usual suspects: anyone who ever gets discriminated against!)
    dave the dishrag standing up to pronounce in the strangled tones of the person you just have to hit because they simply refuse to understand will never deliver any kind of change for any of the people who need it.
    let me be more succinct: WORDS – ACTIONS – NOT SAME.

    tories the protectors of women (bless ’em, the fluffy little things).
    i’m done now. but if anyone votes conservative they deserve all they get.

  79. second-hand fence for sale (as new);
    also soap box and high horse – require substantial work but may be able to salvage parts.
    vast collection of chips – unrivalled quality and variety.

    apply s.wondered.
    there’s a place for us

  80. *applause* for SW – well said, hear, hear (and not an anally-retentive, stiff grinned, toried head in sight) – please keep up posts like that -I did not know any of that. I would never ever vote for those slobbering conservatives, and the comment about the “Blair babes” was meant to convey 2 things – a) how the media had to sexualise the women in at top-level government, (Blair’s Babes just sort of rolled off the tongue didn’t it?) and trivialised them by doing so, thereby feeding down to the mere mortals of womankind and setting the example, trivialising and sexualising all women and their work, and b) that if poledancing etc was so almighty empowering for women, there would be poles in the HOuse of Commons – can’t see it somehow really. Women are the sex class but have NO real political party as such.

    A pole in the Oval Office for Hillary or whoever is the first female president of the US?? Oh, why would she want to be president when she can by a pole and do a strip for Billy Boy? That’s just up his street from what we’ve all heard.

  81. PS – Sorry meant to say – my soapbox, high horse, and fence are all on ebay at the mo – no one wants them – they’re too “pre-owned” and worn – tired smiley.

  82. sadly oh pukemeistress i think you are all too right about the blair babes phenomenon and women having to be sexualised and trivialised if men are to allow them to succeed. the debate about the current home secretary’s cleavage is a tawdry case in point. (tho try to imagine the tories having a female home sec – i don’t think so.)
    actually, much tho i hate her, old condoleezzza seems to have got round that – or have i just failed to hear it?
    i know you wouldn’t vote for them. just worried that anyone could come on here and have a good word to say about the scumsuckers.

  83. I felt physically having to restrain myself from posting this link and here I am, finally giving in- the article kind of incorporates a lot of the issues of the last few posts (well,mine anyway) – I hesitated in posting it as I think it will make your search stats go berserk, (but that may have already happened because of things I have written recently – so sorry).

    You kind of have to read to the bottom to get the link with party politics – and before you read, I kind of agree what she says about men and being exploited, but the gender who are overwhelmingly disadvantaged by sexploitation are women, and if men are exploited and are that upset about it, let’s hear their voices and see more male-feminist blogs – there – you can read now:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,330904134-103677,00.html

  84. “……just worried that anyone could come on here and have a good word to say about the scumsuckers.”

    SW you have the power !- it’s your blog – you can censor any compliments about the scumsuckers. Enjoy that feeling as it doesn’t come along very often – wry smile smiley.

  85. thanks for the link dp – i emailed the journalist to say thanks for pushing this out of the radfem blogring sphere and into a more public forum.
    (not claiming to be a radfem of course – or any otherfem for that matter – think i once admitted to being a badfem…)

  86. Thanks SW – you see, sometimes high horses are justified, as are soapboxes (also high and tall) – I also emailed the journo too to thank her for writing this and she wrote back to me- I wish there were more men who are so humanity-minded as yourself – that’s why I like your blog – much to your annoyance no doubt – a “hopefully not” smiley.

    Believe it or not, I don’t like putting labels on people – labels are words, and words get twisted to suit whoever doesn’t like you- I just know what’s right and what’s unjust.

  87. arrrrgh no not the smiley of fear etc…
    *staggers from the room clutching throat in terror*

    *returns to blush briefly at undeserved compliment then remembers the smiley, clutches vitals and leaves*

  88. Which smiley was it that made you clutch at “things”? I don’t remember a smiley of fear- *confused smiley* I am clutching at very very very tiny shreds of dignity (sanity? – no, the sanity one has always been an issue) for some reason.

    We need a good dose of Infidel at this point – I wonder if he is a policeman? Never around when you need him. A long nonsensical narrative is needed – calling Infidel- can you hear us???……………

  89. universal smiley allergy!

  90. How ’bout a frowney then? Then you could have Universal Frowney Allergy or better, Universal Extreme Frowney Allergy? Dont ask me how I knew about a blokey football(translation – sokkerrr) thing – it must be that osmosis thing again – the surround-sound of general crap in our atmosphere of life- it went in the brain without any effort on my part whatsoever – scarey – wondering what else I have taken in without my realising? Eek! (on the other hand, I could have got the UEFA thing completely wrong, which is even scarier ” a little knowledge is a dangerous thing” – Benjamin Franklin or Abe Lincoln? Answers on a xmas card).

  91. So the old Jew struggles up the far side of the red sea just passed through on dry land and harkens up to the majestic Moses standing on a rock jutting out and he asks him,”How did you do that?”
    And Moses turns to the old Jew and says in his most Amos and Andy voice, “I’s Moses”(I is Moses)((Osmosis))

  92. “And Moses turns to the old Jew and says in his most Amos and Andy voice, “I’s Moses”(I is Moses)((Osmosis))”

    This is breathtaking, just off the wires, BRAND NEW information, only just discovered, although it is being disputed by historians – Moses’s name used to be spelled “Mosis”!! And his accent was definitely Eastern Armenian, pronouncing I’s as “Os” – intriguing indeedy.

    I think the voice-over should be done by that guy who you hear all the time over here who does the Burger King ads and lots of other stuff – I saw him being interviewed recently – it sounds like he has a bad case of barritone-itis and has maybe tried to swallow too many razor blades and glass shards in the past.

    Amos and Andy – how ’bout Andy Griffiths and Barney? with that cute little mini-me Opie? (or OP as he would like to be known in this day and age – sounds cooler – later to find fame in that mother of all shows that should be condemned to room 101 – Happy Days – Ron Howard)- oh hell here you go – sample – (listen and learn – lesson one – History is harder now because there is more of it these days – and,lesson 2 how to get out of answering a question you don’t know

    I would cast Andy G as Mosis, Barney as Jesus, and OP would be the Bible version of Huggy Bear (more grown up of course). Oh dear, Sunday morning. I spose I should do something useful like wash clothes or go to church(speaking of Mosis and Bibles, Andy Griffiths for that matter). Ah nostalgia – did that white picket innocent world ever really exist?

    Barney (Don Knotts) was genius. Epistle of the day.

  93. ps- Talk about mixing up ya Andy’s.

  94. oi right wit me right andy and oi don’t wit me left.

  95. har har harrrr (cough) (cough) talk like a pirate will yee? ya aught to bee keel hauled, ay, an then weeel swab tha decks with yur barnacle flayed carcass, arrr. which brings me to my latest flight of fancy.
    Fancy a board room meeting called to order and Engelburt Humperbackwhale is called on to give his report- then from somewhere deep in his throat and starting off as a humm EEEEEYYYYUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuIIIIIIIIEEEEErMMMmmmmWWOOPWWhiiiiiiiiii like a humpback whale. Then the astonished boardroom members agast swoon as the chair harkens back brriIIIIIOOooooooiiiiiiiiiyyYYYYYIIIiioooooooweeeeiiiIIP

  96. aghast?

  97. Avast yee maytee.

  98. I cannot follow on from Engleber Humperdink sounding like a humperbacked whale – what would David Attenborough make of that? – I am swooning also as to the magnitude of having to try to think of something to say to even tenuously connect to that – we always seem to get back to a fish theme although the piratey topic is a new and interesting twist – hmmmmm – youtube search in order maybe – cross-dressing pirates harpooning giant whales which look like Engleberk Humpalumpas – freak mutations which swim the seas, and caused by all the nuclear waste and the global warmins disrupting the gulf stream – gosh golly, I did find something to say after all – funny what happens when you start typing and just let the fingers go where they may – (thinks of the “roomful of monkeys let loose on typewriters” saying). Nope, not even going to proof-read. Publish and be dog-gonnit-ed.

  99. Forsooth, tis well your high Daisyness that Disney flows albeit the nocturn reaches of our sense. Abilities be nought, but soothe the brinks of our said, and beyond that which is not written yet let us just say, twill be it aside the day and much to the dream as is Mickey and Daisy duck juxtaposition. I submit.

  100. “Shiver me timbers, ye must walk the plank thou-est are trying to save the whales, me old china platey – our mission is to wipe them out” says Cap’n Bird’s Eye Humperdink, trying to stay balanced on his wooden stump and also trying to focus out of his one uncovered eye – ” the only whale left is now Moby, He must die!”

    “But Cap’n, there are-est no lady-type whales left forwith the great Moby to ahem, have whale fornicative activities, so he will die-est out eventually, making the species extinct, saving us tons of work”.

    “You lippy uppity subordinate, how darest thou speak back to the great Bird’s Eye Humpadick! – Walketh the plank at once, forthwith – be gone with ye!”

    Uh oh – whale fish fingers (translation – fish sticks) are so rare now that you have to pull strings and call in favours in very high places indeedy. Soon, they will be non-existent. I will miss my whale fish fingers. I am going to go protest outside the Bird’s Eye HQ down the road.

    Daisy Duck eh? Forsooth and forthwith I must also call the Disney people (on speedial 1 on my phone) and do a deal – watch that booty roll in – no, not the beyonce hiphop shit type booty – the original booty.

  101. …) – forgot yet again to close that damed parenthesis up there yonder in last post.

    “oi right wit me right andy and oi don’t wit me left.” – is that pirate-speak or just somerset/west country?

    “Avast yee maytee.” – I am pretty sure that is pirate-speak – sounds impressive enough.

    Perhaps playing some nice Pirate Memory Games would help brush off the rusty pirate lingo – I sent Mr Daisy off to try to find one of these games – you can see it in the following link -and warning – sorry – link might be slow – it was for me – but this probably means my pc needs an upgrade – here you go – and warning, any not familiar with “Little Britan” – might be helpful to watch more of the “shopkeeper” vids with the difficult weird customer – oh hell – talking too much again – here you are:

    I can’t wait to unwrap my rare and useful game at xmas!!

  102. and……. http://www.yarr.org.uk/ …………I mean, what???

    I have serious studying to do as do ye all me hearties.

  103. Do you have anything in an Amos?

  104. ANDY: You know, Amos, I sho’ like listenin’ to dat Lum an’ Abner. Dem fellers sho’ do talk funny, you know dat?

    AMOS: Yeah, dey sho’ do, dat’s fo’ sure. Dat Lum kinda remind me of you sometimes, Andy, dat’s what he do.

    ANDY: What you mean, Amos? Dat Lum ain’t nothin’ like me. I is a suc-cessful businessman, dat’s what I is. Dat Lum, he cain’t do nothin’ right, always lettin’ dat Squire Skimp give him de business. Dat’s one feller ain’t got no kind of brains a’tall, dat’s what I think. Wait a minute, here come de Kingfish.

    KINGFISH: Well, hello dere brother Andy. Hello brother Amos.

    ANDY: Hiya Kingfish. We was just listenin’ to de old-time radio cas-settes you done sold to us.

    AMOS: Yeah, you know, Kingfish, dat’s a good thing you done, makin’ it so we could have dese.

    ANDY: Lots better den listn’ing to Amos moonin’ over dat Ruby Taylor all de time.

    AMOS: You gonna be seein’ de moon and lots o’ little stars floatin’ over yo’ haid, you keep talkin’ ’bout Ruby Taylor like dat, dat’s what’s gon’ happen to you.

    ANDY: Don’t mind dis one, Kingfish. He jus’ got wimmins on de brain, dat’s all.

    AMOS: Least I got a brain. You just like dat Lum feller, dat’s what you is. Dey oughta put you on de radio or sumpin’.

  105. Daisy Ducked (cockney rhyming - heheheh)

    I am off to google Amos and Andy.

    On my “to do” list – get life.

    Is this a Brit v Yank comedy contest? If so, warning – I will be bringing back Harry Enfield, The Mighty Boosh (especially the Boosh) and The Fast Show – (I still like the pirate-speak but will let that one go for the moment whilst I plunder yon edible treasure in me cupboard treasure chest me hearty booty-mates).

  106. Amos & Andy:

    http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/A/htmlA/amosnandy/amosnandy.htm

    I thought a little insertion addressing one of the major “ist” issues might be appropriate – oh dear, getting all uppity and political?

    I couldn’t find the article about the underage boys, as young as 10, who give their female “equals” drink and drugs, and then sell them to older men – now, where is it that says men suffer from sexploitation too?? Dear Gawd. I will keep looking……………

    I know I know!!! (she says in her “Phoebe” manner) – why don’t we get men to just realise that actually, the constant striving for sticking their willies into some form of human flesh is not the be-all-and-end-all of existence? That this demand is actually daisy ducking up the world? We could say, “wow, it’s easy – just stop” and we could also say “start shouting about it”. Hey, I think I’m onto a winner here. Yeah.

  107. We could say, “wow, it’s easy – just stop” –
    you could.
    you might not be right.

  108. Not right about what SW? Not raping underage girls? Hmmm, so we tell them to keep going? I don’t understand.

  109. methinks my learned friend is extrapolating here!

    you might (imho) not be right to say “wow it’s easy – just stop” – and the stopping i believed you were referring to was ‘the constant striving for sticking their willies into some form of human flesh’.

    you haven’t quite caught me advocating rape of underage girls!

    more relevantly, i’m not advocating even the activity to which i referred – i was merely saying that stopping the striving isn’t easy.
    not sure how one stops that striving – just about limiting it into socially-acceptable forms. and too many of the wrong ones appear to be socially-acceptable.
    i was very brief, so not very clear – hope this is clearer.

  110. Succinct yes – I will be too for a change

    More stories like this one please (a general plea to whoever controls the media – I think this might be a collaboration between Hughie Hef and Rupert Murdoch)- I wonder why they let this one slip through? It’s a wonderous story.

    http://lifestyle.aol.co.uk/baby-saved-by-mothers-cuddle/article/20071208070009990001

  111. “We could say, “wow, it’s easy – just stop” –
    you could.
    you might not be right.”

    http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/demand.htm

  112. “you haven’t quite caught me advocating rape of underage girls! ”

    I was not trying to “catch” anyone just trying to work out what you meant.

    “more relevantly, i’m not advocating even the activity to which i referred – i was merely saying that stopping the striving isn’t easy.
    not sure how one stops that striving – just about limiting it into socially-acceptable forms. and too many of the wrong ones appear to be socially-acceptable.”

    The striving IS the problem along with the refusal to acknowledge that what they (many men) are doing is wrong, and their refusal to even listen to anything which inhibits their access to said female flesh- each man has his own individually-determined level of social acceptability – after all, many many paedos don’t think they are sub-normal, and trust me, the idea of having sex with underage girls has now been desensitised in many men’s minds.

    The “acceptability” definitions and boundaries are being changed every year (and as I said, each man has his own version of “acceptability) – look at what was “unacceptable” 10 years ago. So, the only solution is just to stop, rather like an alcoholic on the verge of liver failure has to just stop. It’s easy – just stop. And listen.

    The other thing I was talking about that should be easy to stop, was the pimping by 10 year old boys of their female counterparts.

    I hope that’s clearer. I am really writing this for the benefit of any who might be sitting on the fence as to their opinion of ten year old boys who drug their female peers and sell them to older men, and to the idea of men abusing females in general.

    Not having a go, or trying to catch you dammit – don’t take it personally!! Mwah!

  113. sorry dp – my response sounded a bit snippy and it probably was! my apols; you always play nice. (thanks for the mwah – one back)

    i think the germ of it all for me is:

    ‘The striving IS the problem along with the refusal to acknowledge that what they (many men) are doing is wrong, and their refusal to even listen to anything which inhibits their access to said female flesh’

    i agree the ‘refusal to listen’ should be something we men must keep working to get away from (tho many of us seem determined not to), but it’s the striving that is the hard bit – that’s how innate things like strivings are (not going into whether the strivings are genetically-predetermined, socially-conditioned, hotwired or any of those contentious issues – but they are clearly there and equally clearly they are deeply embedded).

    i think the only realistic way forward is the social way – one of the few sensible reasons for me in having a society as such is that we can agree a majority standard of acceptability (not necessarily morality – just a list of things we will and won’t put up with for whatever reason), enshrine it in law and hold people to it. the place we draw the line will move (hopefully forward but not always so) and it will move by agreement. movement in a particular area will be driven by those whose voices are marginalised having them heard more (not exclusively as people can often identify the interests of others as being in their own interest – but driven by those most directly concerned). i hope this is what is happening, for instance with rape and the whole issue of how males interact with females of all ages.
    in making this rather glib assumption, i am regarding the cases of (for instance) boys raping/assaulting girls and posting pictures on the internet etc as not a new phenomenon but a very old pattern continuing with a new and pretty disgusting use of technology tacked on. i also don’t belive it affects the moral value of the act – even though it may exacerbate the grief of the attacked girls (and attract – ideally – a more severe sentence) it is already at the far limit of wrongness in my eyes.
    pushing this ‘line’ further, while essential, will do little to eliminate the ‘striving’, though it may increase the guilt and shame with concomitant good and bad effects. we can as a society give clear signals about what we will absolutely not tolerate.
    realistically, i think we have to live with the strivings as long as the men’s actions are modified – not just limited to rape but how we as men interact with women in every area.

    don’t suppose opening this can of worms further has added much to clarity, but it may give you a bit of an idea of how i’m thinking on this.
    another ‘mwah’.
    are you listening to the cricket???

  114. Yeah, I want her. Don’t know who she is but she’s got what I want. The lord is my shepherd I shall not want. Shadupp! ya frigg’n queer. Those lips, that bod, those thighs, meat female meat to eat, to squeeze, to hold to lather and oil slippery smooth soft and warm to penetrate to cum. Oh! were you watching? Shit I’m sorry, did I offend. Honestly do I have those kind of feelings, wants, desires, thoughts, inclinations? Am I sick, twisted, perverted? Do I ask myself? Can I ask you? Am I a heterosexual? Wouldn’t I be better off with a healthy desire to mutually enjoy sex with (sombody)? oh! Somebody? Somebody who? a body. Meat? Big ones? LIttle ones? Allright! Me I like a little, if she’s will’n. and I’m happy to reciprocate, if she’ll take. But oddly enough monogomously. Why? Hell if I know? Something I may have promised or even inferred. Expectations to honor from or imagined from another. Keeping her faith in me. She doesn’t own me but her faith in me is hers and she owns it. Is it worth anything? Do I feel a desire to touch and feel and squeeze and penetrate and lick and suck and writhe gently warmly passionately naked touching beside her? Yeah! your damn right I do. But that is just between, okay, I trust you all so here it is, there is that big love I’ve got for all those humans who treat others well, or try, and the love I have for individuals whose name I know, and I know I have been loved-THAT counts. What drives a starving child warrior to rape? He’s never seen TV, been on line, been subject to subtle mysogynistic nuances that permeate the very core of our western social structures. A very primal male urge is tapped and unbound and a demon is released. I don’t believe it for a minute. The lord is my shepherd I shall not want. Blow off you slimy twit! And some Jihadist Mindless Zealot kills, kills, kills a woman for wearing lipstick? Where am I? Simply I’m sorry, I’m lost, What can I do but wait for the resurrection. Violet will come again, Christ will come again. Meantime what say we do a shot a Captn Morgan eh?

  115. Have a happy new year, y’all.

  116. uh…then everything is said, right?

  117. ohmigod: everything is said? we covered EVERYTHING?!? shit – this blog is history.
    wait a moment i’m still saying… hurrah there is more to say!!! a point to my existence.

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    I will be reading more. Keep up the good work!

  121. just clearing out the spam (bizarrely a couple of bots peddling cough remedies! i had no idea it was sufficiently profitable to bother spamming, but that’s why i’ll never make a million in snake oil). anyhoo. i read the comments.
    oh my sweet james mason… what the??? we were really cookin back then in ’07. and ehj2. the great the wondrous the beloved ehj2. i really believe he did (does?) love all humankind. if you’re out there brother i send you my never-ending love and respect.

    and fidel, witchy, dr socks, ethically speaking, daisy in all her guises, kingcod. this blog salutes you. nothing but awesomeness.

  122. i decided to leave the two comments above as i am unreasonably excited by the prospect of becoming one of the leading resources on dry coughs on the intawebs. is there no beginning to my talent?

    ‘astounded with your articles’? hell yeah!!!

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