a perfect eight – wot no cheap sexual xxx innuendo?

which is a random way of saying i got tagged with a meme (which you will know, if you read the awesome dr socks at reclusive leftist, i don’t yet have a definition for, but i imagine someone is e’en now writing one for me). too many whiches (as the mayor of salem was heard to mutter) and not enough woo (as i would add). i hope you are all following this – though of course my readership is sufficiently small in number and broad of imagination to allow for endless in-jokes. and in the spirit of collaboration i would love fidel and daisy to complete the task with me: we have been tagged twice, both by the fragrant dr socks above and sarah of ethically speaking. let’s give more than we are asked to and do it three times. and given our propensity for randomness without encouragement, i am almost afraid of what may soon be written here.

random facts about me…

1 i like not using capitals when i type – despite being a grammar and spelling nazi; i believe they (grammar and spelling) are what give us control over language and allow us to communicate more forcefully; and without command of our language, there goes a large part of our ability to have any power over elements of our daily lives.

2 i do not physically possess a soapbox, though i may one day consider making or acquiring one.

3 i bat left-handed and bowl (when asked – which is rarely) right arm; this is not particularly unusual.

4 one night i slept on the sand (actually this bit was rather stony) in the open in the sahara. that same night, i unloaded and changed the tyre on a beaten-up old nissan pickup. as i did this the elderly female relative of the guys giving us a lift got out her mat and prayed towards mecca.

5 i think visions of johanna is the most sublime piece of music i have heard- or the slow movement from beethoven’s 5th piano concerto, or rainy night in soho, or the bit of mozart played at both my parents’ funerals, or… no i just don’t know

6 i have no real idea where my life is headed – i don’t even understand the concept of a life heading anywhere.

7 part of me yearns every day for the north east of england … or is it the past?

8 i believe “god” is, in fact, people.

if fidel and daisy would like to add their facts, it would be delightful. if they choose randomly to do nothing or to do something entirely different then that would be almost expected. the ball is in the air – catch it if you wish…

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53 responses to “a perfect eight – wot no cheap sexual xxx innuendo?

  1. Not capable of independant thought, so I gotta use Simply’s structure:
    1.Winston Churchill said something like, It’s okay to flunk math or Greek, but a child should be beat for screwing up English- such is my reverence for the greatest of languages.
    2.I made cubes of plywood as a teen and put boards between them for bookshelves- they served me well for years. I never properly joined them or finished them so only one remains flimsy, rickity, and rotton- You’re welcome to use it as a soapbox Simply.
    3.Is that paddle thingie actually called a bat? Try a Louisville Slugger. I bowled a 255 once and had a 196 avg when I was on a league.
    4.I am told I slept in Ulysses S.Grants crib as a baby when my parents took the family on a trip.
    5.I would like to be a critic and be called on to judge a perpetual contest to find the best performance of Ravel’s Bolero.
    6.”Life Heading” brings to mind Jethro Tulls’ “Locamotive Breath” and Charlie stole the hammer and the train it Twon’t stop going no it Twon’t slow down.
    7.I feel that if Simply yearns each day for the north of England then I do to. Aint that a meme.
    8.God is us looking at ourselves, which we can’t. A mirror seems like it and so deceives us into thinking we can, but we can’t really look at ourselves, only in our imagination. God is perfect looking at us, not someone else, not ourselves, and all imagined. We wouldn’t know we exist if we didn’t look at ourselves, and we can’t really look at ourselves- if we do we aren’t really ourselves, we would be ourselves looking at ourselves. We can imagine what we would look like looking at ourselves without being ourselves at the time we look at ourselves and seeing what we look like.

  2. *silent appreciation of the efforts of my friend fidel*

  3. If I were a bar code I’d look like this |||||| | || ||||| | | ||||| ||| | || |||||| ||| |||||||||| |||| |||| | ||||| |||||| || ||||||||||| | |||||| |||| ||||||| || ||| |||||| ||| || |||||||| |||||||| ||| | ||||| |||

  4. Doesn’t a soap box have to be a box with soap in it, or one that until recently had soap in it, or actually a box make of soap? (could be slippery; wear shoes with good grip!)

  5. …sniff….sniff…what is that odor?…did you leave your socks laying around?…sniff…sniff… happy to know…what’s this? Geeeze they’ve gone purple…I know this guy in Poynton that’s got this great fungicide…

  6. I painted my toenails purple.

    Oh.
    I already said that once.

  7. I have a soap box. I have a for real little box full of soap and a metaphorical one that I have online.

    I prefer my toenails plain and natural thank you.

    You want some fungicidal powder for those feet though SW….

  8. violet – a fragrant flower of the genus viola – no? there is one called jackanapes – i reckon that’s me. you could be flagrant if you prefer…

    laurelin – as i don’t have a soapbox and have made my usual efforts towards the making/acquiring process (ie bugger all) i can’t help you, really; you could ask sarah.

    witchy – do try to keep up, dear! she’s 87 you know…

  9. Still 9 comments, whoops! now there’s ten.

  10. Friggn’ MRAs, oh well. What’s up?

  11. MRAs are bloody everywhere right now. Mind if I hide out here for a while?

    *hides under blanket*

  12. What’s an MRA – sorry not 87 but rather naive in the on line speak!

    Thought I’d try the 1 to 3 as the A B C did not get through no doubt reflecting my love of numbers as opposed to lingo.
    1.English – hated writing bloody essays thats why I did math and science. All you had to do was know A to D for the multiple choice
    2. I have a plastic travel soap box – not sure that counts though?
    3.Cannot hit the blind side of a barn with a bat, a racket, or anyother implement that requires a degree of hand eye coordination – even got my front teeth knocked out “playing” and the term is used VERY loosely tennis, black eye playing hockey, black eye catching an American football, broke the front teeth again swimming, but I used to be captain of the girls soccer team
    4. Slept outside in a ditch in Israel, woke up wet covered in dew, weird experience
    Part II tba if Part I gets through

  13. Its a game of two halves:
    5. For emotive repsonses I have to admit its Prince ‘When Doves Cry’ as it was released and on the radio incessantly when my Dad dies, everytime I hear it I get horribly sad and yet horribly happy to remember him. As for classical I love the Motzart piece that starts with one violin, then the next one comes in and one at a time builds. Truly sublime! CAnnot for the life of me remember what it is called but its in the car. Lst but not least I love the ‘Violin fight’ between Dudley Moor and the other chap in ‘Unfaithfully Yours’ – hilarious.
    6. A bit deep that one – as far as I know we’re all headed the same way. You can evade taxes but not sure about the ultimate destination. Its how you get there that counts.
    7. Yearning, hmmm, snowy slopes in Canada, for being sublimely happy, a good orgasm… simple things but so elusive
    8. Even deeper – have to say I think its all the same thing, life force, God, energy, life after. I think everybody is worshipping/ignoring the same thing but everyone likes different flavours in their ice cream so same with God/religion – whatever is your favourite flavour… I think we all go to the ultimate recycling place and when you’ve been around enough times you get to be a tree and contemplate existence for a really long time. Ha ha.

  14. Not too keen on mirrors these days – don’t want to look too closely.

    Found this: http://samurai1200.blogspot.com/2006/12/minty-boost.html
    Almost a soap box?

  15. check out the sexual consent forms with lawyers – hilarious!

  16. MRA- Mens Rights Advocate, sounds righteous enough, and there are execptions, but for the most part its more of a Mysogynistic Reinforcement Army. I’m sure there is a legitimate place for ExProAthelete Welfare, but if your making several million dollars a year, or even just a coulple of hundred thousand, you’ve got it all over JoeBlow regular guy who might make 35,000 a year if they are lucky- so let’s get JoeBlow regular guy welfare right first. Men’s rights are very important and all men should have rights, and when men are denied their rights someone should stand up and say “we demand our rights”. A whole bunch of MRAs are standing up and saying “shut up” or “F&*# You Bi$%” in response to Feminist pleas for humanity. So let’s get those rights right first and God Bless the difference between a man and a woman.

  17. Softcentre- as far as I can see the video you posted makes light of the issue of consent and rape. There are concerns about consent because of male violence against women, and your offering here is very insulting and tasteless.

  18. I thought it was a light hearted piss take personally and just because something is taken ‘lightly’ does not mean that it is not making a serious point. Sometimes people listen and actually think about things that are said in humour whereas they ignore hard facts because they are unpalatable.
    For example the point where she says I have only had one drink makes a point because it is very difficult to prove in rape cases that the man did not know a woman was not consenting because she was so pissed. Given the alarming rate of increasing female drinking and the partcularly low rate of convictions for rape this was a fairly good if possible a bit subtle point.

  19. Anyhow men are violent against everything, opposing football supporters, women, children, property…..

  20. Somethings are just not meant to be joked about. I suppose you are also a supporter of porn sites?

  21. As in the pseudonym? Pot and kettle I think?
    Porn – I think generally up to the individuals but I think the age of consent to performing should be limited to those of 25 and over. I’m not entirely sure that someone under that age may really understand the ramifications of it and/or be unduly influenced.

  22. Tart as in bitter, or flaky pastry – apple by preference
    – get your mind out of your pants.

  23. Ah a friend once told me I am so male sometimes… not entirely sure that it was meant to be a compliment.

  24. think maybe through natural selection all the pacifists have been killed off and only the aggressive homicidal genes remain to carry on the species? The ability to kill every living thing on the planet in a day has already come to fruition. The inevitablity of killing every living thing on the planet unless a radical change in social, cultural, political, and just plain life norms has already come to fruition. The killers hold all the cards and they want to do what with it? Cash it in, in their lifetimes, fuck the future, I’m gonna be dead.
    …and some of them believe in God. Sin? Retribution? Heaven & Hell? Right and wrong. Ethics. Maybe they am I. I apologize.

  25. “””
    vy
    (-)
    ##\\
    # ||
    ==M
    |||||
    |||||
    @@

  26. This must be where the Bart Simson came from the hair “””””” ,the mouth (–), the long head. Rediscovery and origin of species, dut!

  27. ”””””
    0 0
    ( — )

  28. |||||||
    o o
    ( –)

  29. Doh! So deep and yet so shallow – truly a dichotomy of sorts! The ultimate irony no matter how intellectual as a species we are ever caught by biology. Messy business that.

    ?????
    ?????
    ?????
    o o
    ___

    Sorry – I could’t get the hair in blue..

  30. Infidel…

    “Mysogynistic Reinforcement Army”

    Hands over the IntertOObs award from the Matrix.

  31. blimey – look at the traffic in here! you can tell some mra tossers have closed down all the decent sites – people are reduced to coming here; ahem but you are of course all very welcome; and as they like to say on trains ‘thank you for choosing to ravel with GNER’ cos yeah sure, i really could just have walked to newcastle. and given the prices i just might…

  32. I’m going to deal with this in a mature and intelligent fashion.

    Okay, I’m lying.

    MRAs who think it is ever acceptable to joke about rape: Fuck off.

    And never ever insult my intelligence by giving me that ‘man-might-be-mistaken-about consent’ bullshit. The man has to have a good reason to believe there was consent given, that is for the woman to have said Yes. He does not have the right to guess, to hope, to take advantage. That is rape.

    If you think a video about consent forms is funny it just shows how bad things are. And you know what?- if consent forms stopped one man from raping, I’d be all for them. But that’s not what’s going to do it. Men have to stop raping. That is the only way to stop rape.

    Ah, how I wish we were in a world where sex was defined by mutuality rather than ‘consent’…

  33. Sorry simplywondered- I’ll stop ranting now.

    can you tell that I’m quite pissed off at the moment? 😛

  34. “Ah, how I wish we were in a world where sex was defined by mutuality rather than ‘consent’…”

    Do you read Twisty? She had an interesting idea about that a while back.

  35. I agree with the no jokes about rape. That was not the point of the video by the way. Having been in court for rape cases in the past and watched the jury in action (pretty crap and judgemental bunch by the way – usually in the man’s favour) I think the recent law changes on consent, subsequently changed are a great thing. Its bloody depressing watching a husband get off raping his wife (separated) after a date with a new man because he was blubbing on the stand. The jury seemed to think that she did not ‘object/protest’ sufficiently. Difficult to do that with a bloody great knife at your throat – I say. I never did understand the working of the jury’sa mind in that one!! I was making a point about alcohol indulgence (on both sides) is generally a very bad thing. If both parties are pissed out of the brains again it is easy for the bloke to get off scott free because it cannot be proved that he should have know because he was drunk too. Generally people drink far too much than they should and are therefore classified as unreliable witnesses often in court. Unfortunately the law relies on proof beyond a reasonable doubt in such cases and people are biased against women flouting the ‘unwritten rules’ of behaviour. Which is bloody aggravating if you don’t know what the hell they are! I agree life should not be like that and we should be campaigning to stop it. But it seems to me that people are becoming even less tolerant these days about everything. An often depressing place to bring up children where they are frowned on for making noise or not sitting still. It annoys me that the vast majority of shelters for battered women & children are being funded by charity work and millions is being wasted on things like the Olympics or fixing the stupid ship that burnt down – was that the Cutty Sark? Who gives a toss about a stupid ship when there are thousands of families that need support and a new life after suffering years of abuse? Sorry my personal hobby horse that one.

  36. don’t worry about the rant, laurelin; the site has been self-policing so far (ie when people know they are getting ranty they have a bit more of a rant and then stop!).
    rape is a serious issue and it’s no wonder you get ranty about it.
    obviously i wouldn’t get ranty about things… well just some things.
    i can’t comment on the content of the link as i didn’t go there, but i certainly accept softcentre’s point that humor is a valid weapon – well this place would not be for me if i couldn’t use satire as my only weapon (cue overlong ‘spanish inquistion’ reference). and i’m fairly certain softcentre would not advocate anything that might spew from the ‘brain’ (i use the word loosely) of yer average MRA – what i know of her views i would characterise as fighting the good fight in the world we live in. however, i shall do her the courtesy of letting her speak for herself.
    laurelin’s comment,

    ‘If you think a video about consent forms is funny it just shows how bad things are.’

    might be one i’d re-word as ‘a funny video about consent forms might just show how bad things are’ . if it’s good satire it should be aiming to do just that – as i say, having not seen it, i am commenting only on the principle.
    but of course i tend to find myself agreeing with most of what laurelin writes … and then i just feel like a crawler, trying not to disagree with anyone.

    i’m sorry to be a fence-sitter and join violet in her fervent (fragrant, flagrant?) and impossible wish.

  37. Is there a campaign for ‘mutuality’ in such cases? How would you define that?

    In my experiences I have to say consent was often assumed or taken advantage of, I have to say with one notable exception on a very memorable trip to Paris 🙂 (which I remember being very embarassingly self concious about as it forced me to verbalise my desire). I vaguely remember being brought up with a weird kind of sub-concious morality where nice girls did not do that sort of thing before marriage and therefore if you enunciated desire for sex or heaven forefend actively went for it then by definition you were not a nice girl. I think many women/girls are unprepared for situations in which they find themselves and certainly proper co-education at an early age well before puberty even starts warping your self-esteem is the only way to start tackling the issue. Double standards are still as strong today as when I was first on the scene. Parents often do not talk to their children thoroughly enough on these issues. Certainly I did not get any chat other than on basic biology (not even on condoms!) let alone how to assert yourself in certain situations. Whenever my mum found me up to things she didn’t approve of it was always “You are just like your grandmother” – which was NOT a good thing believe me.

    I do worry sometimes about how and when I am going to endoctrinate my two little boys about the issues.

  38. endoctrination – ‘use of hormones to make the little buggers think what you want’?

  39. sorry – spelling pedant …

  40. On the funding of women’s shelters- I am in complete agreement, Softcentre. I get testy on the drinking issue because its usually directed at women. For example, whenever there’s a newspaper article about binge drinking it will inevitably be a picture of passed-out women in short skirts that they show, rather than a man, and after that much drinking men are equally vulnerable as women (and equally penetrable). As drink seems to exacerbate (spelling, SW?) the aggressive behaviour of men, one would expect that anti-binge drinking stuff would be illustrated with images of violent men since men (as a class) are more dangerous when drunk than women.

    I think there is real work to be done on binge drinking culture, beyond the simple shaming people for drinking a lot. I can’t help but feel that the whole culture depends on some deep boredom and lack of satisfaction in the lives of young people, and possibly to do with self-esteem issues as well. (Not doing a ‘superior adult’ thing here, I’m going on my own experience of that sort of drinking which I know I didn’t undertake because I was one happy little bunny but because I was unhappy…)

    on the ‘mutuality’ thing, this was something I read about in Catharine Mackinnon’s work and it was a real ‘Click!’ moment for me in my brain. She noted that by law sex is defined as something that men do to women, and that women therefore say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to. The consent of the woman is what the law is interested in, not in her actual desire to have sex. You can have cases of severe emotional blackmail in which a woman has sex to please a man or because she feels guilty etc., which is not classed as rape because she does give consent, but which can hardly be but a dehumanising experience to some degree for her. This ideal of mutuality would put an end to the notion that men are entitled to sex and thus to women’s bodies.

    And Tartette on consent and desire- am in complete agreement.

    I split an infinitive here… many cookies for the person who spots it!

  41. By the way, my thing on binge drinking culture’s causes was not meant to excuse violent behaviour of drunken men. There is no excuse for that.

  42. that catherine mackinnon definition is pretty crystal! she must be worse than hitler too – and presumably party to your one (two) woman fight to end free speech.
    you are two bad seeds!
    ps split infinitives is baby stuff – we demand a greater challenge (exacerbate looks fine, ta)

  43. we sure are bad seeds- together, we’re growing a matriarchy!

  44. Hi – (affectionate nod towards SW and Fidel) – ahem.

    What was the question again?

  45. Random meme
    I think I am capable of independent thought (see Fidel’s comment) but I must ask SW first.

    1) I am capable of inane rambling randomness

    2) I don’t have a soapbox, I have a big wobbly tall table which topples over quite often when I’m mid-flow with my megaphone. Must fix those wiggly legs but enough about my anatomical ailments. ( I am taking a course in DIY healthcare so I can operate on them myself – helps to jump the NHS queues).

    3) Oh, disregard above statement about bodily ailiments – I have to talk about these all the time – I know people get bored but I don’t really give a you-know-what. It helps me, that’s what counts.

    4) Disregard statement above about not caring if I bore people. I do.

    5) I have played baseball in my life, never cricket, have not a clue what the big deal is about either one, but I was good at baseball.

    6) My hair has a life of it’s own – at night, when I sleep, I am sure it leaves my head and escapes out on the town for wild orgies, as in the morning, it looks like it’s had fun.

    7) I like the Greek islands.

    8) I do not like those who project jealousy or insecurity on others.

    9) I like SW’s blog.

    10) I like using capitals and proper punctuation but probably fail to do these properly.

    11) I believe MRA’s are whiney misogynists who like to dress up in superhero costumes to address the hidden homosexual in themselves.

    12) I don’t know, I’ve been away for some time and it means a lot to me that SW has missed me. I’ll shut up now.

  46. PS …….

    (\__/)
    (=’.’=)
    (‘)_(‘)

  47. laurelin: ‘ we sure are bad seeds- together, we’re growing a matriarchy!’
    oh no! given the crappy weather this year, it’s sure to bolt and form a nasty bitter old patriarchy.

  48. Daisy, I never saw the bunny. I love the bunny! Got any others?

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