page views up to 62!…

…having bumped along with fewer than 20 lost souls for so long now; which just goes to show that you need only post some self-referential flim-flam about hypothetical monkeys and (presumably) real czech search engines and hooplah! instant revitalisation of your flagging public and the faltering pulse of your stale blog once again beats like southern cop at a black rights rally.

on this principle, i should like to report that today i have been found by our old chum ‘2 cocks up the arse’ (mate of sparkle’s of course), ‘river smite aslocton’ (you know who you are, ehj2, ya weird amerigofrog) and by the by, ‘gobling party’, i think you might need another b in there; but thanks for ‘droping’ by.

i live for the day when ‘elect dave cameron’ happens upon our acre of bliss…

and entirely disconected – geordie collingwood guided england to such a sweet victory over the ausies today – exactly how shit are we, you self-satisfied twat buchanan?

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66 responses to “page views up to 62!…

  1. Elect Dave Cameron

    Hi!

  2. I come over every once in awhile from Violet’s, because you’re a way bright guy and I want to see what you’re doing with that way bright mind.

    But this stuff is too deep for me to have any idea where to even begin asking a question, let alone possibly contribute to the conversation.

    The way you seem to have posts about search strings is simply over my head. And the way you drop what appears to be quoted gibberish in your text and attribute it falsely to your various readers (such as myself) suggests you’re actually sending secret messages to some unknown audience, perhaps launching all sorts of interesting activities. Since I don’t have the secret decoder, I just stumble back to Violet’s.

  3. p.s. does ‘river smite aslocton’ mean “move the carrier task force to full alert” or “pawn to queen’s bishop 4”?

  4. Flummoxed!

  5. Should have read……Flummoxed, but only by…….”and entirely disconected – geordie collingwood guided england to such a sweet victory over the ausies today – exactly how shit are we, you self-satisfied twat buchanan?”

    Yours in Complete Bafflement

    Ms C Paddock

    (proves someone is reading!)

    (Handy blog hint no. 509 – keep it fresh man ….. oh, how cool and hip-hoppy does that sound? …..otherwise people get bored and your views start to dry up! – Keep away from “Blog-Block” ….. this, coming from someone who only hits on other blogs and does not have one of her own – I am good at advising, not so good at taking it- ahem.)

  6. Daisy Flummoxed – sounds like a good name.

  7. aWhoreandaBanana

    What Sparkle said.

  8. 1) Dave – just fuck the hell off the blog, scumsucker (yes, see you in the portobello star, at 7, as usual, but keep it quiet).
    2) ehj2 – apologies for my foolish assumption that you and i are the only people who would search for aslocton! please forgive me…
    what i’m doing with my allegedly ‘way bright mind’ (preens – unless it was a typo for ‘wayward mind’ in which case ‘fair cop’) is, in brief, fuck nothing. if you or anyone else has any suggestions feel free…could perhaps aid stormy in the destruction of feminism (and, perhaps by now, western civilisation). i presume the river smite runs through aslocton and i will soon go and find out. hey i love your english internets! please forgive my stupidity – tho you are sho’nuf a ‘weird amerigofrog’ – i will not recant that.
    3) daisy daisy (that gives me an idea for a topical song…) – the point of my blogulum is that only a few people should ever read it. it is vile-tasting overpriced fish eggs to the general (tho what he ever did with the stuff is anyone’s guess). i love my tiny coterie (apart from paul who is antichrist, but good with a duster and i continue to spurn as i would a rabid dog – hi paul, honey – blog needs a dust… hunh? pretty please) and am happy when new members join or even existing members drift away bored, frustrated or because they have to earn a living.
    my reference to buchanan and collingwood is re a cricket victory over australia…i’m sure a google search with collingwood and cricket should fill you in, assuming you would ever be that sad (and no i don’t think so, either!) buchanan is the aussie coach who came out with a superbly hubristic comment about the english being too crap to test his team and whaddya know we beat them twice in a row.

    awhoreandabanana – welcome – how are the pandas?

  9. CONSERVATORY (6.67 m x 3.20 m) with French doors and windows looking onto the courtyard and two roof lights. Both roof lights and French doors benefit from sun blinds.

    Have the English not figured out their own doors and windows? What’s with that? Absent substantive information, I’m assuming the English windows are those thin slits you see in old castles, which are only useful for shooting cross bolts through. While I know French windows are designed specifically to allow passage of cute girls.

  10. i assumed we had nicked them in the hundred years war – forgot to nick any cute girls, tho, it seems. they would perhaps have been past their best by now at any rate.
    i am glad both roof lights and french doors benefit from sun blinds – how exactly do they benefit from them, do you suppose? wise advice, lend them a tenner every so often?
    can you afford it? and will it tempt you across the channel?

  11. Dear Doctor Wondered,

    My accountants inform me I can barely afford my dog. Since I don’t need much but room for my few books on alchemical whatnot and a microwave to steam frozen vegetables and cheeze pizzas, my little hovel in the woods seems sufficient, even first rate.

    But I am tempted across the channel.

    As a child I lived in New Zealand and thought, foolishly, that this was the way it was everywhere in the world. Then my dad’s Navy tour down in the antarctic ended (he was part of Operation Deep Freeze), and we moved to San Diego where it was dog-eat-dog both in the apartments where I lived and at school.

    New Zealand was paradise. I was just the yank kid, about four years old, that everyone in the neighborhood knew and helped take care of. Not just the adults (they all seemed to know my name) who would invite me in for cake or goodies, but older kids, who would balance me on the handlebars of their bikes and take off with me into paths through the woods. This is the way life should be. I tasted it. I want it for everybody.

    And I thought British money was way cool. The paper in color, the coins large or very small, with detailed renderings of royal folk.

    Sigh. Then I came to America.

    I still remember the little car/truck milk wagon conveyence that would putter into our street, with fresh milk and cream in thick little bottles in little metal cages. My mom would take spoons of the cream and dribble it on her coffee.

    The smell of burning coal takes me back immediately.

    Why couldn’t we have just slowed down there? Why did it have to get so much faster?

  12. Bits and pieces here:

    http://news.aol.co.uk/cameron-cannabis-claim/article/20070210151509990022

    This is a new strategy by politicians (remember BClinton?) to seem cool to attract the yoof vote – of coure, it’s not just yoovs who use the stuff these days, so there’s an even more subtle motivation for putting out such a rumour- the subject of the rumour of course, (in this case DCAmeron) being a fine and respectable member of the cons party, has to be seen to either vehemently deny such a preposterous rumour (in the case of BClinton, when it became apparent that it was actually true, took the line of damage limitation, “yeah, I did it, but I didn’t inhale” – “yeah, I did it, but it was not sex because it was only a blow job” etc etc – anyhoo – as this rumour about DC seems true, he will go out of his way to say that it was a long long time ago – don’t think he would go so far as to assume the british public are so stupid as to believe he hadn’t inhaled, so I think he can forget that squirmy story – next, he will be putting out a rumour that he nearly had an asbo – of course we all know that asbo’s did not exist when he was a yoof. But perhaps he will try to say that if they had existed, he would have nearly had one – of course also vehemently stating that this was very naughty and bad of him (but in reality, hoping to gain loads of street cred with the asbots).

    “my reference to buchanan and collingwood is re a cricket victory over australia”

    Gawd, I had a feeling it was related to cricket…just that word makes me cringe – that’ll be due to years of having the whole house and tv taken over by the background droning of richie benot – however you spell it(or bitchy renault as I called him) and then the booming voice of jeff boycott to balance out the mono-drone of bitchy(vomit).

    RE – English windows – I was amazed when I came to this country that not everyone lived in a castle – totally disillusioned me,as I was expecting to live in one too- slitty windows and all – however, english windows are now defined as double glazed and made by everest.

    aren’t you glad you checked this blog today?

  13. PS – re – jeff boycott – I did become somewhat good at tuning out his voice, but if I was very unlucky, on some days I would happen to look at the tv by accident (I had also trained myself to not look at the tv in the summer) I sometimes would catch sight of his face and that leering idiotic asymmetrical grin, in which case I would be immediately violently sick.

  14. I thought french windows were for the entry and exit of cute guys? (Usually for their exit in Puke’s case).
    Wow, I remembered to close a bracket!

    Changed my name (temporarily) to appease Sparkle – I don’t want to upset her as she has superatural powers!

  15. flummoxy pukester

    bitchy renault – smile!
    you see, cricket can push all of us to a fortuitous bit of phrasing; and you closed a bracket – i like punctuation, what can say? it’s nice to have such people here. liking cricket or otherwise is beside the point. i think cute guys are over-rated.

    asking dave about cannabis is fine but i don’t suppose we shall hear about him, george and the coke, or the girls keeping them company. politicians have the right to privacy about their past, unless it’s a story that might make the electorate believe they are human like dave’ s friend dave and his single mum on a council estate (she was probably collecting the rent, but hey you can’t expect little private details like that). posh people have the right to do whatever they want and keep it quiet – we have the right to do exactly as they say all the time, as dave said to me just the other night. he and his posse must have been a holy terror on the quiet streets of eton, going round disturbing the neighbourhood with their loud waistcoats. still, it was dave’s manor and he ruled it with a rod of iron (well actually he employed a college servant to rule it for him, but even the krays had servants didn’t they?).

    life is beautiful and simple, no?

  16. ehjdeux mon ami,
    what a glorious time – i always thought nz is still like britain in the 50s (haven’t actually been there of course…). which accounts for the number of kiwis over here – but at least they never stop banging on about how much better everything is back home. shan’t be too hard on them, as it’s the sad mating call of the expatriate the world over; apart of course from an american with a brain and a sense of perspective. so will you ever go back? and where do you define as ‘home’? what would interest you about living in the uk? write my blog for me…

  17. Yeah, cute guys are somewhat over-rated, not least by themselves (this applies to cute girls too).

    Flummoxed again – dave and a mate’s mum on a council estate? Even more street cred for him!

    Yes, and after all, eton is just down the road from staines (in the underpants) where ali g’s “massive” congregates (usually at cheeky’s nightclub, otherwise known as chavkees) oops – just saying what other’s say (disclaimer done for now). I have been there (windsor) recently and seen those eton asbo aspirants running around, black robes a’flyin as they run around terrorising tourists and old people – (not in an effort to get money, just for the reverse-elitism you see – some things you cannot put a monetary value on, and the pride of ‘avvin an asbo cannot be bought!).

    Kiwi’s whine over here, and Brits get tagged as “whinging ” pomms over down under sideways over yonder upsidey down there! I missed my diplomatic calling – I can say that as I am neither heheh.

    Just being stupid now. Sun morn and all that – usual excuses. Weather, hormones, wind direction – whatever!

  18. ‘dave and a mate’s mum on a council estate’ – a baffled daisy.
    david davis made much of his humble upbringing as he tried to become leader of the conservative party. sadly for him, he was still patently dull as bloody ditchwater (and ditchwater without the decomposing corpse of a tory at that). thus other dave with not-so-underprivileged background (eton, oxford and notting hill) got the gig because he was interesting enough to have provoked some vicious and utterly untrue rumour about sticking white powder up his nose with george osbourne (who appears not to be called dave) at oxford. all power to dave c for being totally open about having smoked a spliff at school and holding firm on his courageous stance about not admitting to anything class A.
    just so’s we’re clear.

  19. I would love to go back to school in England. Say, Oxford.

    I love sleeping in big leather chairs in quiet libraries. Discovered the luxury in 4th grade and have nurtured it since.

    I’d like to visit some of the castles and all of the old mythological ruins. I want to hang out in the forest until Merlin shows up and explains some things to me.

    I currently live in the woods on a ridge near West Virginia with a nice view of the Blue Ridge Mountains and miles and miles of farming country. My neighbors on the ridge are squirrels and about 40 deer (who vanish during the day but come back at night to sleep under my trees). My neighbors down and around the ridge are cows. I’m about 100 miles from the capital, Washington, D.C.

    In the “Kind of Interesting” department — the property (due to its elevation and ah, etc.) is a navigation aid for military aircraft. It’s a rare day when I’m not overflown by a fast mover. I like the way the sound rolls around me and echoes back from the surrounding peaks. And I’d really hate to be on the receiving end.

  20. It becomes apparent that I have to drop in here on occasion. There are none of Frenchie’s introspective soliloquium at Violet’s and, since none of you foreigners are allowed to post on MY blog, the least I can do is come slumming.

  21. “I currently live in the woods on a ridge near West Virginia with a nice view of the Blue Ridge Mountains and miles and miles of farming country”

    I’m impressed… are you a real hillbilly or just a pseudo one? Do you aspire to move to Beverley Hills at some point? Have you learned to catch and cook squirrel? Or maybe you save the roast squirrel for special occasions such as xmas and birthdays?

    As for the woods and the deer, have you caught lyme’s disease yet? There is always a flip nasty dangerous side to the seemingly idyllic landscape/lifestyle. I love to look on the bright side.

    I too used to be overflown by fast movers (concorde) til BA decided to stop them all – they were so mean not selling them to their long-time rival mr r branson who had the money to keep them going 10 time over, but that was BA’s one chance to thumg their noses at mr virgin – anyway, those things were very noisy fast movers but I miss them.

  22. Thumg?? Ah, you know what I meant.

  23. “thumg” ?

    Paul is my advisor on big words and technical terms, and when I asked him about this he wrote me back immediately with the news that “thumg” is indeed a real, but rarely used anglo-saxon term for, “not merely thumbing one’s nose at an adversary,” oh, of course not, “but doing so in such a way as to extricate a big gobby booger and fling it with deadly accuracy at said foe.”

    Thanks for the image and this new word.

    I realized this morning, while musing for just a tiny moment that my mom would probably think SW might be John Cleese (because she thinks all the English are John Cleese), that Violet probably erred with her execrable video of Telly Savalas apparently crooning to unsavory creatures on the moons of Titan.

    The obvious reason this video was such a widespread phenomenon in Britain had nothing to do with the idea that it was enjoyed as “smashing” entertainment, and everything to do with the fact that it was used to utterly demolish the prevailing image of the average American as, say, Cary Grant.

    When you picture me, please, please don’t think Savalas. Think Johnny Cash. And my cute girlfriends posed seductively in my French windows all look like Reese Witherspoon. That would be dead-on accurate.

    Anyone who calls herself Daisy (one of my favorite flowers), almost certainly sees the bright side of life. And by that, I don’t mean what our President meant when he recently spoke about Mr. Cheney, in an attempt to justify Cheney’s continuing assertions that everything is going just peachy-rosey-keeno super-duper-good in Iran, “Oh, he’s just the Pollyanna of our administration, and sees everything through his upbeat outlook.”

    ~~~

    Given the fact that the “hillbilly” lifestyle has been pretty much obliterated (and didn’t you start that with the need for labor during your industrial revolution by taxing everyone off their farms and forcing them to the city?), and the fact that I am adept at and vastly enjoy trekking alone in the wilderness, I am as close to one (a hillbilly) as you’ll likely find within 150 miles of WDC. The point I was really trying to make with that revelation in my earlier comment is that it’s kind of neat (and possibly not intuitively obvious) there is still real backwoods this close to the eastern politico-industrial corridor which runs up the seaboard.

    Which is also scary, though. Because a lot of these people still live in the 1860’s in their outlook. Confederate flags and other symbols of the racist south are oddly prevalent in this era of broadcast media. How at that possible, this close to what I hear quaintly called the “capital of the free world”?

    No Lyme’s disease. As in any important journey consciously taken, you accept and do your reasonable best to manage the risks associated with being where you want to be.

  24. Calling myself daisy – you forgot the other name – puke – still think I see the bright side of life? Actually, I see both sides as a rule.

    Dammit, I wanted the hillbilly theory to be true – I had you duelling banjos on your rickety front porch with some cousin (who is really your brother) or other, when not squirrel hunting whilst being overflown by fast movers. However, you do sound slightly more intelligent than I would have imagined a hillbilly to be, and you sound like you may veer off slightly into the “hippy” tag with your trekking the hills. A hippy hillbilly perhaps?

    I have to categorise everything and everyone you see. If I don’t I get very tetchy.

    I like the definition of “thumg “- I sure wish I could pronounce it, however, I hate to tell you, in this case it was a mere case of a typo, of which I am very good at making. However, the action it describes sounds like a very good thing to do when someone jumps the queue in the supermarket, a common occurrence here – why, just the other day, I did this to someone, and now I know that I “thumged” them!

    How do you manage the lyne’s disease risk on your conscously taken journey of importance?

  25. I have to categorise everything and everyone you see. If I don’t I get very tetchy.
    Daisy Fluke/Pummoxed

    How do you know who and what I see? How tetchy do you get? Are you as whacko as Ms. Sparkle?

  26. Dear Paul,

    At the moment I get to be the cute boy flirting with Daisy.

    You just tighten your corset and get back to your dusting. Someone will be along shortly (or is that smartly) to discipline you. Not that it will do a bit of good for an intractable haughty disobedient insolent piece of fluff like yourself.

    Ah, Daisy. You are wearing the most wonderful fragrance. Might I come closer and, ah, whisper seductive quotes from my literary betters in your ear?

  27. onomatopoeia in your ear, like the shite through aslockton or smite or something.

  28. ehj2 ‘The obvious reason this video was such a widespread phenomenon in Britain had nothing to do with the idea that it was enjoyed as “smashing” entertainment, and everything to do with the fact that it was used to utterly demolish the prevailing image of the average American as, say, Cary Grant.’

    that’s a brilliant analysis of the phenomenon; sadly i think it’s as lovely as it’s wrong and people in britain bought the record because they thought telly was cool and his record was great. ah well.

  29. At the moment I get to be the cute boy flirting with Daisy.
    -Frenchy

    AAAACKKK! Flirt with her? Be my guest. I don’t muck about with unwashed foreigners. 🙂

  30. simply,

    i was writing with tongue firmly in cheek. maybe paul is right again; you’re not simply wondered, you’re simply bonkers.

    i know that violet is never wrong; that’s why i didn’t post this thing over on her blog. plus because she’s asleep and i don’t disturb sleeping ladies unless they already know me. all the ones that have been paying attention to paul keep loaded uzis under their pillows, with spare clips somewhere in their knickers.

  31. all the ones that have been paying attention to paul keep loaded uzis under their pillows, with spare clips somewhere in their knickers.
    -Frenchie

    Uzis are heavy, awkward and shoot that pissant 9mm round. I recommend a nice Glock 23 .40 cal with a halogen light/laser combination on the rail, but only if you don’t have time to grab your rifle.

  32. i know that violet is never wrong; that’s why i didn’t post this thing over on her blog.
    -Frenchie

    The reason she is never wrong is because she calls opposing posters puppets of the patriarchy and deletes them. Same thing Dubya does, but he says ‘soft on terrorism’. 🙂

  33. Paul,

    40 caliber glock. yeah, right.

    I saw your other recommendation, the one you reserve for your close friends. some kind of automated sentry robot thingy with a self tracking video camera, gymbol-mounted gatling gun, and a 5,000 round feed.

    Do you live in a vereeeetable swamp of bat-crazed republicans that you need this kind of thing? is dick cheny your neighbor?

  34. G-dammit, I leave for a few hours and all hell breaks loose – so much to address!

    “Are you as whacko as Ms. Sparkle?”

    I am at least as whacko (preens with pride) as Ms Sparkle – for all you know, I could BE Ms Sparkle (I love all this “who the fick is who” on the marvellous interwebby- I feel so masterful and in control when manipulating people’s paranoia tendencies). The issue of domination bringing me to the next subjects:

    ehj2 to Poltergeist – “At the moment I get to be the cute boy flirting with Daisy. You just tighten your corset and get back to your dusting. Someone will be along shortly (or is that smartly) to discipline you. Not that it will do a bit of good for an intractable haughty disobedient insolent piece of fluff like yourself.”

    Cute boys – in here? flirting? As for the disciplining, that is definitely a Brit tendency in the male species – ehj2 and Polt – I do believe you must both have some Brit DNA embedded in your genes – I am getting the “liking the thwacky smack sound of the bare paddle on naked buttocks” from both of you. Cute boys flirting with each other maybe??

    Then comes the blokey overcompensationary talk of heavy weaponry to try to disguise such “Women In Love” type naked fighting in front of the fireplace tendencies:

    From Poterg – “Uzis are heavy, awkward and shoot that pissant 9mm round. I recommend a nice Glock 23 .40 cal with a halogen light/laser combination on the rail, but only if you don’t have time to grab your rifle.”

    ehj2 “….some kind of automated sentry robot thingy with a self tracking video camera, gymbol-mounted gatling gun, and a 5,000 round feed.” (we have the same everyday-heavy-weaponry-protection -for-your-home advisor – I too have this at the door of my home.)

    Polter “AAAACKKK! Flirt with her? Be my guest. I don’t muck about with unwashed foreigners. ”

    It takes 2 to flirt guh. I resent be called a foreigner – I prefer the title “person of no particular territorial allegiance”.

    I’ll let the “unwashed” comment go – fair enough – I have a water phobia, especially in the winter (which is all year in britain).

  35. “Ah, Daisy. You are wearing the most wonderful fragrance. Might I come closer and, ah, whisper seductive quotes from my literary betters in your ear?”

    The wonders of cyberness – being able to smell my fragrance virtually- I took a page out of all the celeb’s books – you know – j-lo, britney, kylie, jade hoody (don’t ask me to explain jade please if you don’t know who she is – google jade goody if at all curious) , ad nauseaum…. had a perfume named after myself – it’s called – ta da!! – Puke! £1.99 buy 2 get 3 free at boots while stocks last- yes, do come closer to fill your nostrils and treat your olfactory nerve to more of the smell of Puke! Can you teach me the banjo?? twang! (more of your onomatopoeia.) Which one was the hillbilly? I have no chance against Polter – he’s cuter than me.

  36. ehjdeux – ‘i was writing with tongue firmly in cheek’ – yes i know…

    ‘maybe paul is right again’ – you mean he has been right once before?

    ‘you’re not simply wondered, you’re simply bonkers.’ – or of course both. what does the wise man know of the fool or the fool of the wise man. if someone hasn’t said this before i claim it as my own. and ‘better a witty fool than a foolish wit’ alas, that isn’t my own.

  37. daisy – please don’t worry about o’tergeist; we only have him round so we can lock him in a box when he is troublesome; we get to torture him and he gets to feel like a victim, so everyone’s a winner.

    please put me down for a coupla dozen bottles of ‘puke’; can you deliver in time for valentine’s day? is it bulk produced in hungary using olfactory farming techniques? (ouch, sorry)
    you know that lancome released a scent a few years ago called ‘oui’. unaccountably, it failed to sell in britain…that’s true, that is.
    please write more of this inspired idiocy, it’s some of the stuff i’ve enjoyed most since the great blog party. go pukey d!

  38. SW not one little squiggly brain cell of mine has, errr…squiggled …with worry about poultrygeist. If he became that troublesome I would silence him with some more of my witty,yet barbed hints at his boy-on-boy naked fireside flesh wrestling with ehj2 (don’t mean to suck ehj2 into this as an innocent bystander, but I need someone to “bounce” off the tergeist from- there goes my rule never to end a sentence with a prepostion ….of).

    As for my new fragrance….my people tell me that boots has sold out, and now you can get it at wilkinsons , aldi and kwik save. I will try to get the Puke factory to hold back some bottles for you, (compliments of the house) but suggest that you only use them to give to people you don’t really like.

    Kylie apparently launched her new scent yesterday – it’s called “darling” – I thought all of this “darling” or “lovely” (that one is sara jess parkers), or “pretty pink showgirl princess fairytale perfume” needed a bit of a counterbalance – all that saccharine pat-pleasing sweetness – I think the name and the scent of Puke will do that job well. (Racking my brains trying to think what jade hoodie called hers – was is “Gobby” or something? It could not remotely be called “girly frilly sweetness and light” – could it? I think it was just called “jade” which is almost somehow worse!) Ah- pleased at my consistent bracket-closing today.

    My next one will be called “non!” in retaliation to the “oui” one which failed over here (i am intrigued you know this fact) – maybe the brits thought that they would be wearing a scent which smelled like “wee”. “non!” will be along the same lines as “puke”, in that it will be designed to repel – as in “NO!!”.

    I am coining a new marketing niche – “politically motivated scents”.

    My idiotic ramblings are usually more likely to be made in the mornings – I get a bit fugged in the afternoons! :-)) If there are any typos, too bad, I’m fugged so cant’ be bothered to re-read for imperfections!

  39. I take my dog for a walk and come back to this — I’m portrayed as a dude who wants to be handcuffed to a wall by Paul and done to. And somehow, I’m responsible for his ads for wacky weaponry on his site.

    This is just not right.

    I’m British on my mom’s side of the family, but it’s the French in me that likes fancy swashbuckling blouses (for men and women). There are no banjo’s here. There are no hillbilly’s here. There are no hippies here.

    I wish I had hippie capabilities though. A hippy is adept at survival in the human zoo on about $2USA/day. A hippy, like the true opportunistic omnivores we come from, can eat whatever is available and offered. A hippy can sleep on a stranger’s floor, buy random bus tickets to anywhere (because that’s how much money is in a pocket) and go there, and is adept at finding other hippies to survive with. I’m finicky in what I eat (mostly vegetarian) and where I sleep, and where I go. Again, I wish I had those skills. A capable hippie is a marvelously adapted creature for his/her environment.

    Dito a hillbilly, a term which now seems to mean a backwards, unintelligent person. Forget that. We were all dirt-poor farmers scrapping by in the mountains at one point. It takes real intelligence and deep knowledge and sustained hard work to survive and thrive in a harsh backwoods environment. I don’t have those skills, either. [A “fun” movie that drives home this point really well (and with an extraordinary cast) is “Next of Kin” with Patrick Swayze, Liam Neeson, Helen Hunt, Ben Stiller, Bill Paxton, and Michael J. Pollard.]

    You simply do not underestimate people who are well adapted to survival in their environment; the idiosyncracies that you think make them dumb or weird (even lawyer idiosyncracies) actually contribute to the cultural norms that promote survival in their strata.

    A long time ago I was first chair flute — and that has nothing to do with any interest or disinterest I might or might not have in Paul, or his cop uniform, or his handcuffs, or his big thumping gatling gun (please folks, keep your eye on the ball here, not the gatling gun you’re thinking of but the one with 5,000 rounds; okay, still the other one).

    I must have sensed a different fragrance. Puke, to me, is the smell of children who need some assistance, so the reference pulls me from thoughts of romance into thoughts of nurturing little people who’ve lost lunch (not adults who smell of puke).

    I’m not adept at navigating from conversations about the real (and answering what seems like authentic questions about the real) to the surreal where everything is anything anyone wants to make of it. That’s just too George Bush “We create our own reality” for me. I think it makes sense for people to invent their own personna, but just as in real life, communication is assisted by some fidelity to a single personna. Multiple-character-disorder is frenzied, in both real life people, and virtual ones. There’s either a floor under our feet or their isn’t.

    I was kidding when I said my dog sometimes lies to me. She never lies to me.

  40. I’d invoke the rule of takeback but no one here would know the reference — a Helen Hunt television series that played here a few decades ago. The notion was that a married couple, in their efforts at open and unmanaged/unedited communication, would sometimes say something that just was way way off and hurt their partner. The rule invoked made the comment actually vanish — and both agreed that really open communication benefitted from a rule that allowed wrecked trains to get back, undented and unbroken, on the tracks.

    The above post isn’t half as amusing as I intended it to be, or kind of thought it was when I pressed “submit.” Sorry about that.

  41. Too bad about Violet, too. I liked her blog until she went bonkers. At least I learned who I don’t want on my jury if it ever comes to that.

    Frenchie, you mean this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5YftEAbmMQ

    I’d be happy with three or four of them as toys but I would want something serious for home protection….like this: http://www.metalstorm.com/

    “Cute boys flirting with each other maybe??”
    -Daisypuke

    Don’t include me in your disgusting fantasies, you old squid. You have been around too many English poofters.

    “The above post isn’t half as amusing as I intended it to be, or kind of thought it was when I pressed “submit.” Sorry about that.”
    -Frenchie

    No worries, mate. None of your posts are. 🙂

  42. lol. paul, that was perfect. thanks.

  43. “you’re not simply wondered, you’re simply bonkers.”

    Umm, I resemble that remark – but not on any blog you lot know about!

    Lancome – owned in part by Nestle – I’m boycotting them.

  44. ‘a Helen Hunt television series that played here a few decades ago’

    mad about you – famously remade for britain as (i think) loved by you (i mean, why bother) and predictably drained all the good out of it. mad about you was great and could almost make me forgive america for stuff.
    but not.

  45. i still have a crush on helen hunt.

  46. “Don’t include me in your disgusting fantasies, you old squid. You have been around too many English poofters.”

    It wasn’t my fantasy, it was yours, you wrinkled old grey-pubed droopy semen sac.

  47. ehj2 – I was really only trying to wind you up in a pukey bantering sort of way – I’m glad your dog does not lie to you, indeed glad that your dog talks to you in order for you to ascertain whether he is lying or not (?!?)

    I know PTergeist would love to dog you up against a wall, but I know the feeling is not mutaul and that besides, your standards are high enough that this would never happen (see my previous comment).

    I take my comment back that he is cuter than me – he is cuter than jade hoody (well, you have to start from something to get an idea) , but not cuter than me.

  48. Dear Daisy,

    And I’m even super-duper-triple-way more sorry than our host, Doctor Wondered. I’ve seen and know far too much to not be partially responsible for almost everything.

    Friends forever.

  49. It wasn’t my fantasy, it was yours, you wrinkled old grey-pubed droopy semen sac.
    -DP

    BAHAHAHAHAHA! A brit female with a sense of humor? The end times are surely near.

  50. Dearest Saggy Sac

    For the gazillionth time, I am not a Brit – an honourary one, but not one by birth.

    Ps – i was not trying to be funny though.

  51. Ps – i was not trying to be funny though.
    -Dazey

    Oh, shit. That makes it even funnier! 🙂

  52. Come listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed,
    poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed,
    then one day he was shoot’n at some food
    and up through the ground came a bubbl’n crude.
    Oil that is- black gold!- Texas tea!

  53. Yes, that’s why I asked if he had plans to move to beverly hills – does he have a sister called ellie may who wears tight shorts and a…….oh whatever.

  54. Dear Daisy,

    I got ripped off. No sisters to explain me to the mysterious secret code of feminine wonderfulness. I had to sort that code out for myself, adding an extra ten years to my education in becoming a sort-of-complete adult.

    And in this location, I’m more likely to be sitting on a mountain of coal than a pool of texas tea. If this should be the case, the new rules of eminent domain (oh, those wily corporatists), allow it to effortlessly be taken from me.

    You have to realize I’m probably about the age of the real Ellie May these days, but in my day the girl of consummate dreams was Emma Peal of the Avengers. A totally class act with brains and weapons. My pal Paul may pretend to disdain English girls, but I bet a dozen English plaid wool skirts with white panties and knee-high socks he had a crush on her, too.

  55. Oh!Steed! Steed. Emma weren’t noth’n compared to the farmers daughter- Inger Stevens was taller.
    Pull a Winnabojo and shit your way out of a hole. Or do as the Kialdilt and rip your own testicles off. The Ik, if your blind, would allow you to walk off a cliff- and laugh uproariously. How many Hillbillys does it take to make a cousin?
    Two.

  56. Gee, I reallly want to get into a discussion about the pros and cons of fancying english girls with white panties and wool skirts, and farmers’s dauhters. My mood-o-meter indicator is still way over to left in the black black zone, but even discounting this, I would not be interested in this for several reasons, which I won’t go into.

    The moods – You will get used to them – I have, but my doctor hasn’t. Tough shit lol.

  57. If you relocate an Aboriginal group of human beings, are you guilty for life or generations?

  58. Daisy,

    If someone who calls herself “Puke” can really get angry about mere mention of a box of clothes, in response to querying someone if they were a hillbilly and had a sister like Ellie May, her challenges may extend beyond those associated with “mood.”

    The reference which seems to have disturbed you was completely on-topic and appropriate in the context of this discussion, which is USA versus UK — and completely on-topic to the context of a thread within this post, which is, whether it might or might not be true that Paul universally abhors all British women.

    It’s difficult to have grown up in America without awareness of that particular fetish image, and its deep association with Britain (so my selection of those garments was by design).

    I was prompting Paul that he might remember images from some point in his life of British feminine culture that wasn’t so repugnant as he currently claims.

    In short, the comment wasn’t directed at you, but to the extent that it might have been (if you’re a British woman), it was supportive of you.

    On a different topic completely, however, I might ask, “Has anyone survived trying to be nice to you?”

  59. Because I was stating my opionion on male fetish-image fantasies, being a female in “the room”, I have deep problems? Sheesh. Lots of British women just walk around in normal clothses – how is your statement supposed to be supportive?

    “Has anyone survived trying to be nice to you?”

    They have survived a lot better than when they get my hackles up.

  60. Daisy Puke,

    You’re not using your noggin, and your typical response to most comments made in the same vein as your own is thin-skinned, mean-spirited, and unfair.

    “Because I was stating my opinion on male fetish-image fantasies, being a female in ‘the room’, I have deep problems? Sheesh.”

    Not even close. Firstly, I said “your challenges may extend beyond those associated with mood.” Not that you have deep problems (you’re head is not the subject yet), but that you’re unfair.

    Secondly, you initiated the conversation on male fetish-image fantasies by introducing Ellie-May, an American image that is far more repugnant than your British girl-in-wool-skirt image because of the implied hillbilly brother-sister-cousin incest. Ah, those beastly Americans. Is this clear enough for you, “No, I’m not pronging my sister. And my parents weren’t cousins.”

    You push every button you can find and feign shock when anyone pushes back. Paul and I are gay? I’m a dumb hillbilly? I cook squirrels for dinner? None of the above.

    What’s wrong with you? The last thing I wrote to you was “Friends forever.” Apparently, you want to throw mud, but can’t handle any thrown back. Worse, this wasn’t even thrown at you. You look for things to get irritated about.

    ~~~

    Fetish images originate in some natural experience, and they become fetishes through disorder. I can enjoy the sight of a woman in a classy wool skirt without needing her to be in that attire to arouse my interest.

    Men imprint on the women around them as children, find them the most fascinating things in the universe, and unconsciously look for echoes of those elements in adulthood.

    I first went to school in New Zealand, discovered early I adored the fair sex, and (to my good fortune) imprinted on the the beautiful freckled red-haired moving masterpieces around me. To this day a splash of freckles and a head of long red hair sends me back to that sweet time, and memories of the girls in little wool skirts who enchanted me and shared their infinite worlds.

    If you find that wrong, then your worldview is sadly broken. And I’m sorry about that.

  61. I started out in a good mood on this thread – I dunnno, you have assessed me, judged me and decreed I am fucked up – you are male so I guess you’re entitled to that. PT has decreed I “need a friend ” so, he will make an exception (I am ever so grateful) in my “case” to be civil, even to the point of risking losing his “reputation”. Truly honoured.

    So, no, it’s I that am sorry that you think this way. Maybe one day you will “get” the perspective from which I look at the world (which is not from a strictly personal one, but involves half the world’s population) but I doubt it – I don’t expect you to. Goodbye.

  62. “…..appropriate in the context of this discussion, which is USA versus UK …..”

    No, that should be “ehj2 vs PaltryGuy”

  63. Dear Daisy,

    I’m going to start by changing the subject. It is said that every person carries a heavy secret, and if you knew that person’s secret, it would level you.

    I don’t know who you are or where you’ve been, but I know you too carry a secret and I wish for you the softest journey. If you want to say “goodbye,” it is your right to do so. But I find I’m able to learn from everyone I meet, so I would be honored if you’d still talk to me, and accept my apologies that I get your hackles up.

    I do ask you to believe I didn’t judge you. I judged only a tiny subset of your behavior, “your typical response” to comments here. I have no idea what you are like, or what your behavior is like in the rest of your life. I only know you here.

    I do ask you to see that you’re still flinging mud (at least it’s obviously non-sticking mud) — I may be male, but we both know that’s not entitlement to judge you and decree you’re “fucked up.” And I suspect we both know I didn’t do that.

    I commented that you are sometimes thin-skinned, mean-spirited, and unfair. So am I. We aren’t so different. I just called you on it today. Tomorrow, someone will call me on it.

    Whatever it’s like out there, everyone in here wants a level playing field. We may misunderstand each other, but your voice is as true as mine. And your voice is as needed as mine.

    Sincerely and with true affection,

  64. EHJ2 – ‘It is said that every person carries a heavy secret, and if you knew that person’s secret, it would level you.

    I don’t know who you are or where you’ve been, but I know you too carry a secret and I wish for you the softest journey.’

    ehj (i have dropped the 2 – there is no other ehj for me and if there is i prefer you to be no 1) you illuminate our blog with your writings.

    pukey – you too are a one-off and have been making this place of no particular relevance what it is.
    i am sad to return from a few days away to find fisticuffs – what i read up to the point where both parties were annoyed, struck me as all light-hearted and pleasant. (paul obviously was just being paul which i am weird enough to enjoy too – up to the part where my lily-livered liberal side finds his comments just too near the knuckle – and equally rude and unpleasant to all – except ehj for whom he clearly has a non-gun related-affection and why not…i feel the same way myself.)
    you guys are adults and it’s up to you how heavily you wish to take each other’s comments but i’m sure it can be patched up.

    ‘We may misunderstand each other, but your voice is as true as mine. And your voice is as needed as mine.’ – indeed.

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