nice search term and a dose of good old irony

two totally separate points here – lest anyone should think i was about to be libby purves and attempt to link porridge and a woman who has secretly been running the UN for twenty years (or some other pair of mismatched people or items, purely because they are both on the same edition of midweek).

today’s search ‘pigeon cree’ has been my favourite ever – thank you, friend! (unless you were randomly looking for information on names of birds used in minority languages of north america in which case sorry and good luck with your search) i think of the writing of sid chaplin and the crees on allotments in my (not all that distant) youth and realise a very special time has gone. the father of my first girlfriend kept pigeons. i never much liked them – tho i am becoming fonder of the owner of my balcony ‘nemesis’ as we call him or her; gives my son someone to shout at who isn’t me.

and (as i said) separately: an essex man recently found out the true cost of avoiding identity theft when he followed his wife’s instructions to dispose of a pile of bank receipts and other confidential documents; he lit a bonfire and happily destroyed them; alomng iwth his car and his house – oh well at least nobody took £100 out of his bank account.

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12 responses to “nice search term and a dose of good old irony

  1. See, his wife gave him that instruction, and assumed that he would automatically know not to make a bonfire in or near the house – no doubt he will be blaming her for not being more precise.

  2. it may have been an even clearer case of woman/small brain problem. she just didn’t have the imagination to see that when given the instruction to dispose of the docs he would quite obviously not use the silly little shredding machine (possibly purchased that very week for about £2.99) but would have a big manly bonfire nice and close to the house (very convenient for taking things and putting them on it, you must admit). and as you pointed out, she was just too bloody lazy to tell him not to burn the house down.
    so the verdict is: definitely the woman’s fault – i mean, what did she expect???

  3. Yes, I know that bonfires are quite a manly thing to do – my ex used to have a ball doing this with garden rubbish – the neighbours used to get very annoyed with the smoke coming in their windows, which delighted him even more. It was their fault you see, for having the audacity to exercise their right to have their windows open, for whatever reason. “Shouldn’t have them open in the middle of winter” he would say in his grumpy yorkshire tone.

    So, a bonfire which consumes your house and car too – the neighbours must’ve thought this guy’s testosterone levels were unimaginable – I’m sure his male neighbours were seething with jealousy!

    Shredders? So girly.

  4. I looove making bon fires. The bigger and more out of control the better often fuelled by paraffin or even some “Timmy Tiger BBQ liquid and I used to staff on a burns unit – yes SW at the Newcastle war zone of the General Hospital, so I sorta know the score. I think it’s one of those ‘fear’ things because I’m actually scared of *out of control fire* but like to see how much I can push it – and get away with. Now I sound like a pyromaniac – or maybe one of my ancestors suffered burning at the stake. Or something.

  5. ..or maybe set the flame to the faggots as the witch looked down uncomfortably.

  6. Hey!
    No burning The Witch!

  7. Maybe something from another life sparkle- instead of being in the fire, you are the firestarter “i’m the firestarter, twisted firestarter” – (please conjur up the image of Keith from the prodigy doing his manic dance).

    Do you think this guy who burned his house down was having fantasies that he was the guy form the prodigy? Oh dear.

  8. “or maybe set the flame to the faggots as the witch looked down uncomfortably”

    Ack no – think about it!

    Daisy Mmm “firestarter” *and* “twisted” and can I have some bolt thingys in my head? just for effect to look well ‘ard.

  9. And a tongue-stud – there was a lot of that tongue-action in the vid – yeah, I think you would be much better than Keith – scarier! 😉

  10. I’m not scarey? am I?

    Grr nash nash snarrrl I’ve got a ring through the top my ear – will that do?

  11. you scare only the evil – the virtuous need have no fear of you.
    well maybe a bit…
    (but i don’t think a tongue stud will make you more imposing – even mike tyson sounded a bit girly with a lisp)

  12. Speaking of lisps, tongue studs make you talk a bit funny – do you think tyson had one?

    Earring in top of ear – well, that’ll have to do I guess, but make sure you still stick your tongue out a lot for filming – I wanna see at least 6 inches – practice practice, practice!

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