big hot sweaty love

i have been accused of not loving my regulars enough. and this despite the fact they are sufficiently few in number to allow me to feel (nay, demonstrate) a deep personal (if not actually moist) affection for each one.

you who write here are my brothers and sisters; you put up with my endless soapbox ranting about why i hate the tories, why things that annoy me slightly somehow threaten the existence of all worthwhile members of this species, and why cricket is the clearest expression of the eternal soul of humanity; you listen (virtually) without visible yawning or derisive laughter (please don’t feel you need correct me on this one) as i bang on about how the north east of england is the land of lost content where the sun always shines and happy naked children run carefree through the giant rhubarb native to the region; you smile good-naturedly as i regale you with efforts at amusingly quirky stories about ‘life’ or some such, about isinglass and drunken friars who never existed; you suppress your snorts of incredulity as i maintain that dylan can actually sing (and not in the same sense a tortured corncrake sings); you pick up things that are barely ideas and run with them to produce vast surreal screeds of narrative about … well frankly i couldn’t begin to say what.
you indulge the (for me) pleasant fiction that what i write has the slightest shred of significance. you wonder simply with me and together we whisper into the void. i am grateful. it’s good to know you all and you truly have my big hot sweaty love. is my tongue in my cheek? (mmfgh … gruggh … ahunngj … checks quickly) well only partly.

xxx – fidel, you have your answer.

and breaking news: the guy who nicked a bolivian spider monkey from chessington world of adventures (well that was an adventure) gets a year in prison – a tory councillor who prostituted a woman with learning difficulties (gratefully plagiarised this from sparklematrix) got a suspended sentence. so does that mean that the monkey is more or less important than that woman? hmmm tricky one.

here’s a howdydo

well well well.

while there has been a thinner crop of odd searches – perves on holiday somewhere away from their computers, perhaps, while the industrial cleaners try gamely to ungum their gooey keyboards – i had one that was as baffling as usual, to wit:

mint julip cups first communion

and i really couldn’t think how that search might lead a loon to our own little house on the prairie; so the detective in me reasoned: if they typed that in and got here, then so can i.

so i did. and i didn’t. (‘type it in’ and ‘get here’ respectively).

it had some reasonably interesting hits including (perhaps predictably) one to a site imaginatively titled ‘haves*xanywhere’ (not sure if substituting a character does anything but i’ve seen clever people do it, so sure there must be a point) and text on another quoted as: ‘The many Orifices of these Vessels are called Cups, the menstruous blood runs … with a spoonful or two of Cinnamon water, make a Julip to drink at thrice. …’ (now that sounds a good read if a tad too virginia-woolf-meets-aleister-crowley for my liking)

so no idea what all that’s about.

as usual.

in which i am newly inspired

not a statement, but a question, namely: ‘is this the longest list of microbiologically active compounds you have seen lately?’

‘Examples of other microbiologically active compounds include for example : quaternary ammonium compounds for example, N, N-diethyl-N-dodecyl-N-benzylammonium chloride, N, N-dimethyl-N-octadecyl-N- (dimethyl benzyl) ammonium chloride, N, N-dimethyl-N, N-didecylammonium chloride, N, N-dimethyl-N, N-didodecylammonium chloride ; N, N, N-trimethyl-N-tetradecylammonium chloride, N-benzyl-N, N-dimethyl-N- (C, 2-C, s alkyl) ammonium chloride, <BR> <BR> <BR> N- (dichlorobenzyl)-N,-N-dimethyl-N-dodecylammonium chloride, N-hexadecylpyridinium chloride, N-hexadecyl pyridinium bromide, N-hexadecyl-N, N, N-trimethylammonium bromide, N-dodecyl pyridinium chloride, N-dodecylpyridinium bisulphate, N-benzyl-N-dodecyl-N, N-bis (beta-hydroxy-ethyl) ammonium chloride, <BR> <BR> <BR> N-dodecyl-N-benzyl-N, N-dimethylammonium chloride, N-benzyl-N, N-dimethyl-N-(C12-C18 alkyl) ammonium chloride, N-dodecyl-N, N-dimethyl-N-ethylammonium ethylsulphate, N-dodecyl-N, N-dimethyl-N- (1-naphthylmethyl) ammonium chloride, N-hexadecyl-N, N-dimethyl-N-benzylammonium chloride, N-dodecyl-N, N-dimethyl-N-benzylammonium chloride or 1- (3-chloroallyl)-3, 5,7-triaza-1-azonia-adamantane chloride, cocoalkylbenzyl-dimethylammonium, tetradecylbenzyldimethyl ammonium chlorides, myristyltrimethyl ammonium or cetyltrimethylammonium bromides, monoquaternary heterocyclic amine salts such as laurylpyridinium, cetylpyridinium or (C12-Ca4) alkyl benzylimidasolium chlorides ; urea derivatives for example, 1,3-bis (hydroxymethyl)-5, 5-dimethylhydantoin, bis (hydroxymethyl) urea, 3- (3, 4-dichlorophenyl)-1, 1-dimethylurea (Diuron), 3- (4-isopropylphenyl)-1, 1-dimethylurea, tetrakis (hydroxymethyl)-acetylenediurea, 1- (hydroxymethyl)-5, 5-dimethylhydantoin or imidazolidinylurea ; amino compounds for example, 1,3-bis (2-ethyl-hexyl)-5-methyl-5-aminohexahydro-pyrimidine, hexamethylenetetramine, 1,3-bis (4-aminophenoxy) propane, dodecylamine or 2-[(hydroxymethyl)-amino] ethanol ; imidazole derivatives for example 1 [2-(2, 4-dichloro-phenyl)-2-(2-propenyloxy) ethyl]-1 H-imidazole or 2- (methoxycarbonyl-amino)-benzimidazole (Carbendazim); nitrile compounds for example, 2-bromo-2-bromomethyl-glutaronitrile, 2-chloro-2-chloro-methylglutaro-nitrile, 1, 2-dibromo-2, 4-dicyanobutane or 2, 4, 5, 6-tetrachloro-1, 3-benzenedicarbonitrile (Chlorothalonil) ; thiocyanate derivatives for example methylene (bis) thiocyanate or 2- (thiocyanomethylthio)-benzothiazole ; tin compounds or complexes for example, tributyltinoxide chloride, naphthoate, benzoate or 2-hydroxybenzoate; isothiazolin-3-ones, for example 4, 5-trimethylene-4-isothiazolin-3-one, 2-methyl-4, 5-trimethylene-4-isothiazolin-3-one, 2-methyl-4-isothiazolin-3-one (MIT), 5-chloro-2-methyl-4-isothiazolin-3-one (CMIT), 2-octylisothiazolin-3-one (OIT) or 4, 5-dichloro-2-octyl-4-isothiazolin-3-one (DCOIT) ; benzisothiazolin-3-one compounds for example 1, 2-benzisothiazolin-3-one (BIT), 2-methylbenzisothiazolin-3-one, 2-n-butylbenzisothiazolin-3-one, N-ethyl, N-n-propyl, N-n-pentyl, N-cyclopropyl, N-isobutyl, N-n-hexyl, N-n-octyl, N-n-decyl and N-tert-butyl1, 2-benzisothiazolinone ; thiazole derivatives for example, 2- (thiocyano methylthio)-benzthiazole or mercaptobenzthiazole ; nitro compounds for example, tris (hydroxymethyl) nitromethane, 5-bromo-5-nitro-1,3-dioxane or 2-bromo-2-nitropropane-1, 3-diol (Bronopol) ; iodine compounds, for example tri-iodo allyl alcohol ; aldehydes and aldehyde release agents, for example glutaraldehyde (pentanedial), formaldehyde or glyoxal ; amides for example chloracetamide, N, N-bis (hydroxymethyl) chloracetamide, N-hydroxymethyl- chloracetamide or dithio-2,2-bis (benzmethylamide) ; guanidine derivatives for example 1, 6-hexamethylene-bis [5- (4-chlorophenyl) biguanide], 1, 6-hexamethylene-bis [5- (4-chlorophenyl) guanide], bis (guanidinooctyl) amine triacetate, 1, 6-D- (4′-chlorophenyldiguanide)-hexan (Chlorhexidine), polyoxyalkylene-guanidin-hydrochloride, polyhexamethyleneguanidine hydrochloride (PHMG), poly- (2- (2-ethoxy) ethoxyethyl guanidium chloride (PEEG) or dodecyl guanidine hydrochloride ; thiones for example 3, 5-dimethyltetrahydro-1, 3,5-2H-thiodiazine-2-thione ; sulphamides, for example N-dimethyl-N’-phenyl-(fluorodichloromethylthio) sulphamide (Preventol A4); triazine derivatives for example hexahydrotriazine, 1,3, 5-tri- (hydroxyethyl)-1, 3, 5-hexahydrotriazine, 6-chloro-2, 4-diethyl-amino-s-triazine or 4-cyclopropylamino-2-methylthio-6-t-butylamino-s-triazine (Irgarol) ; oxazolidine and derivatives thereof for example bis-oxazolidine ; furan and derivatives thereof for example 2, 5-dihydro-2, 5-dialkoxy-2, 5-dialkylfuran ; carboxylic acids and the salts and esters thereof for example sorbic acid and 4-hydroxybenzoic acid; phenol and derivatives thereof for example 5-chloro-2-(2, 4-dichloro-phenoxy) phenol, thio-bis (4-chlorophenol), 2-phenylphenol, 2,4, 5-trichloro-2′-hydroxy-diphenylether (Triclosan) and 4-chloro-3, 5-dimethyl-phenol (PCMX); sulphone derivatives for example diiodomethyl-paratolylsulphone, 2,3, 5, 6-tetrachloro-4- (methylsulphonyl) pyridine or hexachlorodimethylsulphone ; imides for example, N- (fluorodichloromethylthio) phthalimide (Preventol A3), N- (firichloromethylthio) phthalimide (Folpet) or N- (trichloromethyl) thio-4-cyclohexene-1, 2-dicarboxyimide (Captan); thioamides the metal complexes and salts thereof for example dimethyidithiocarbamate, ethylenebisdithiocarbamate, 2-mercapto-pyridine-N-oxide (especially the 2: 1 zinc complex and the sodium sa) ; azole fungicides for example hexaconazole, tebuconazole, propiconazole, etaconazole or tetraconazole ; strobilurins, for example <BR> <BR> <BR> methyl- (E)-2- [2- (6- (2-cyanophenoxy) pyrimidin-4-yloxy) phenyl]-3-methoxyacrylate<BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> (Azoxystrobin), methyl- (E)-methoxyimino [a- (o-tolyloxy)-o-tolyl] acetate, N-methyl- (E)-methoxyimino [2- (2, 5-dimethlyphenoxymethyl) phenyl] acetamide, N-methyl- (E)-2-methoxyimino-2- (2-phenoxyphenyl) acetamide (Metominostrobin) or Trifloxystrobin ; amides for example dithio-2, 2′-bis (benzmethylamide) (Densil P) or 3,4, 4′-Trichlorocarbanilide (Triclocarban) ; carbamates for example <BR> <BR> <BR> 3-lodopropargyl-N-butylcarbamate (IPBC), 3-lododpropargyl-N-phenylcarbamate (IPPC) or Bis- (diemthylthiocarbamoyl)-disulphide (Thiram); pyridine derivatives for example sodium or zinc salt of 2-mercaptopyridine-N-oxide (Sodium or Zinc pyrithione); compounds with activated halogen groups for example tetrachloroisophthalodintril (Chlorthalonil), 1,2-Dibromo-2, 4-dicyanobutane (Tektamer 38); organometallic compounds for example 10, 10′-Oxybisphenoxyarsine (OBPA).’

it certainly is a long one. my thanks go to infidel.

i’m sorry???

just a quickie as i know you are all as bored with my weird search terms as some people watching football, but these are truly surreal:

josss stone tell me bout it record label

and then there’s

woolley ave poynton

and i really couldn’t tell you where either of these have come from…it’s not like they are looking for porn (where have you gone, boys?)

nor do i have anything sensible or amusing (nothing new there) to say about either of them. (feel free to make something up and post it for me).

seasonal double entendre shortage – better post title in the post

i’m feeling a tad flat right now. the same malaise seems to be afflicting many of the virtual street corners around which i hang: dr socks has had a dr foster-esque moment and stepped into a blog right up to her middle – actually, she’s sick of all the shite and has sat on her arse not blogging for a while (she may perhaps have stated it more elegantly, but you get my drift); witchy woo has had an attack of the ‘what’s the point’s; and my excellent geordie chum sparkle’s lobster has moved to another state of being – i found this strangely moving. and not just because lobsters do move strangely. even the web search terms have become stale and hackneyed with nary a ‘pubed pantie’ nor ‘yong perve’ to amuse me. worse, my great pal dave hasn’t called for ages – some pathetic excuse about formulating policy for the major political party he claims to run (you’d think i’d know about that???). i also have this funny pain in my elbow.

and yet…

and yet wonderful random bonuses sprout crocus-like around me, as this glorious english spring really hits its straps: the thread below is being written beautifully, surreally and at length by daisy puke, infidel and ehj2 (even though the spam cruncher does not get on with daisy and keeps consigning her innocent comments to the cack box – i assume mine only get through because its ‘my’[?] blog); a mysterious link may have appeared on the blog to the geezer who does clever website stuff (says it’s there but i can’t find it) and may or may not (site looked interesting if a bit too much about computers and other new-fangled stuff for me to read the damn thing) have designed the cutline theme (as used here; but i stuck my own picture in cos i’m well on top of the tech); and tomorrow i get to bang drums with 4 year olds.

i think it must be pixies. hey, you want narrative? – go read the stuff about fish from my three ghostwriters